Category Archives: Caring for yourself

Sherlock Practicing

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Do you have a problem? You know the sort of thing that gets in your way when you’re playing. But it’s small. Annoying but not really worth focusing on. After all, you’re motivated, you’ll get over it.

Well, that’s just silly. You don’t develop bad habits or problems overnight. And you don’t fix them by ignoring them! Whether it’s dropping your thumb on a crossover or not closing in a chord or not placing ahead, it won’t get fresher by ignoring it. So, what can you possibly do? Well, here are a few ideas.

The easiest answer is to ask your teacher. That’s a straightforward approach because they can see you from a different perspective and bring all that experience of correcting problems (yours, their own, other people’s). Easy peasy.

But not everyone has a teacher. And some are no longer in regular lessons and have to be their own teacher. Then you have to turn into Sherlock Holmes and detect not only the problem but also its cause and its solution. That’s a tall order. You need a process. A few tools will help too. No, not a magnifying glass! Remember that Sherlock said, “I have the advantage of knowing your habits” – so here’s how you can be Sherlock and get to know your own habits:

  1. Notice the need. This is essential. Pay attention to the clues – poor sound, sore hands, late notes, feeling frenzied. You can’t fix a problem if you can’t at least name it. For instance, if you’re not getting good tone but you don’t recognize it’s because you’re not closing, you won’t get it sorted!
  2. Take meticulous notes. Give yourself time for this and write it down. Rarely do we have a single area for improvement! Note all your challenges – over time. Collect your thoughts on what is happening. Include your observations of what is happening? when? what else is going on? what might be related?
  3. Collect your evidence. The part everyone hates – getting the dirt that shows you that you haven’t imagined it! Use your phone to video your practice (or playing). You want to catch yourself in the act. Video is so good for this because you can push it is dispassionate and faithful. Push play and get back to playing rather than trying to play while simultaneously observing yourself. Don’t worry – we’re going to record, review, reduce (delete!) the video once the work is done.
  4. Develop your theory. This video is a tool, not a documentary. Get in, see what you see, learn what you can learn, and get out. From your observations, what is happening? Is your hand in the wrong place? Are you over stretched? Or are you not giving yourself enough space to work? Are you uncertain and not placing?  You want to determine what is not working so you can focus on that. No attribution, no negativity, just focus.
  5. Strategize the solution. Once you know what’s not working and why, then you really can work on it and apply yourself to correcting it. If more than one thing is happening at a time, then you can also parse what you know and make a plan to fix one thing at a time (while monitoring so you know what to fix next). Lather, rinse, repeat as needed (and remember, it will always be needed).
  6. Verify! Once you think you have got your fix in place, give yourself some time to make it comfortable and automatic. Then record again to verify that your fix is holding! If you find something else to work on, so be it – and don’t despair. We are all always working and developing, learning and growing. It isn’t you; it’s the nature of the beast.

Just like Sherlock’s clues, the answer is out there, you just have to find them and apply that knowledge to your own playing. Give it a try and see what you learn (good and bad) – and let me know how you get on!

Your comments:

Kate says: From a Zen master:  Perfect practice makes perfect. Going over and over the same “mistakes” just cements them. Good to take it apart and re-learn whatever the snaggle is. 

That said- it can also be beneficial to modify the snarky passage so you Can play it! Been there, done That! 

This is not that

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Comments added below. Have a comment – let me hear from you!

So many of us struggle to get our practice in. Whether we’re just starting or are simply reacting to daily life, finding the time can be a struggle. But sometimes it’s not finding the time at all.

Sometimes it’s about masking our feelings not our calendars.

I have yet to meet a harper who is unaccomplished, uninteresting, or unmotivated in life.

And that is part of the problem! Because when you are accomplished, interesting, and motivated, it can be more than a little humbling to be confronted by something that kicks your metaphorical butt!

And harp is kind of a bully – it looks so effortless. It sounds so effortless and ethereal. It is so soothing and relaxing. And then it knocks you for six, slaps your face with a fish, and laughs as it saunters away.

And here we are, accomplished, interesting, motivated adults, known for our acumen and accomplishment in the rest of our life, being humiliated by a fish wielding bundle of kindling!

But this is not that.

We can put up plenty of “barriers” to avoid confronting that playing the harp is a lot more challenging than it looks. That it requires all the skills we have already developed and then requires a whole load more that we have to work on – continuously!

I swear I’ve heard my harp sneer, “but what have you done for me today?” And that can wear you down. It may feel as if your harp laughs in the face of your previous accomplishments. That does not make us any less than. In fact, it only makes us more.

Here’s another way to think about it – you grow best when you are under load. That’s true for both physical and cognitive growth. The real challenge is how you respond to that load. The part of us that has already accomplished so much might want to know why we have to do this given that we’re already so lauded and recognized for our high ability and expertise. 

Rather than letting the smarty boots part of you derail your practice, think instead about the load (practicing) as being not so heavy*. And that if you divide it up over time, it becomes feather weight (granted – it’s still intimidating, but it becomes more manageable!). It’s like the elephant – you eat it one bite at a time.

Struggle makes us better, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. What you did before prepares you for what you do now. You do not need to hide from your harp – this is not that. This is this!

And you know it – you’ve got this!

Want to share a thought or leave a comment? Just click here – I love hearing from you!

* Also, don’t let something you’re very proficient at just now let you forget how much work you put in when that was the difficult challenge in your life!

Your comments

Jen- this is the most realistic rendition of harp study EVER.  I agree wholeheartedly!   The harp i s Gorgeous to look at, etherial to hear and damn difficult to learn to play!

Yes,  we are intelligent, educated, often professional adults and the harp says  ” you want it When?” – Kate  😵‍💫

What’s missing?

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Sometimes the universe speaks distinctly, persistently, but quietly. This week in wildly divergent ways, the message was loud and clear – find what’s missing and fix it. That got me thinking…

We often spend all the time we have for making music reading or repeating or being anxious about practicing enough. We make a lot of noise in our heads (and hopefully from our instruments as well). We tell ourselves to focus (and I’m always going on about that here).

But do we ever stop to look around to see if we can find what’s missing?

What’s missing can be from any category but some are less obvious than others. What might be missing?

Well, an easily identified option would be a technique that you haven’t learned yet. You’ll know what these are because you come to a place where you just don’t know what to do or how to do it correctly. Easily fixed – ask someone, take a lesson, practice, fill that hole. Done.

Some of the others are a little more challenging to uncover. These might include –  

Creativity – when you spend all your harp time practicing the stuff in front of you, you don’t have time to poke around, find new stuff, try new things. There’s an easy fix for this – reserve part of your practice time to do just that – poke around and see what happens. Maybe not every day, but a couple of times a week wouldn’t hurt. The challenge is to honor this time and not give it away for “something more important”. This is an essential part of practice. If you think you’re not creative or you’re not composing or arranging, that’s irrelevant – it is important to teach your brain to take what your ears bring in and keep moving forward with the idea rather than just coming to a juddering halt. The path to fixing erroneous notes when performing is right here!

Self-fulfillment – Many harp players are overachievers. Sometimes it is clear that the fixation is on “finishing” a piece rather than enjoying the ride. First the bad news – no piece is ever finished! Now the good news – you will (and should) be changing things over time – your interpretation should develop as you do and as your comfort with the music grows and matures. This development is going to lead to changes – so you’re never finished. And that’s ok.

Giving – you might not believe me, but I sat in my quiet room telling myself I wasn’t good enough to play for other people for a long time. I significantly overestimated what people might be listening for and thereby deprived them of a shared musical experience for much longer than needed. You have so many good things in your head, your heart, and your harp – let them out and give your music away. Play for others – because you will find more things that are missing.

Receiving – the flipside of giving is in receiving. You might be missing the opportunity of receiving feedback from others if you’re not out playing for them. Their responses may fill a gap you didn’t know you had!

Take a moment to look for the areas you are missing. Are you willing to share a peek with us? Let me know in the comments below!

Comments from you:

Martha said, Patience is always missing, and follow through on the good ideas without second guessing the quality. 

Couldn’t agree more Martha!

You need those hands to be happy

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Last week we talked about taking care of your skin. This week, we have a way to help keep them happy.

I have dry skin. Sahara like. 00 grit. And I live in a place that is having an early and very dry winter.

Sigh

While many people are good about staying ahead of these sorts of things, I am not. That means that I’m never able to just slather on moisturizing lotion. I need to exfoliate and enrich first – then my skin is more ready for the moisturizer.

Fortunately, I also suffer from a non-fatal condition called I-could-make-this-at-home-itis and severe parsimoniousness. You might have noticed that stuff to care for your skin is expensive (or inexpensive but not worth using) …and you run through it like water! What are we to do?

We’ll make it ourselves! We can feel virtuous, get something that works, and smells good! The good news is that it isn’t baking, so precision is unimportant – a little bit of this, a pinch of that, a dab of the other is the best way to go. We can use a variety of grit-y elements and some sooth-y elements and a splish of smell-y elements and bam – you have your own, bespoke hand scrub!

Use the table below to mix and match. Pick the elements you like (or already have on hand) and mix away.

GritEmollientFragrance
SugarVitamin E OilLavender extract
Brown SugarOlive Oil or AlmondLemon extract
Table SaltCoconut OilMint extract
Ground AlmondsHoney Rose water

Select one from column A, one from Column B and one from Column C.

Here’s the “Recipe”:

1/2 cup Sugar or Salt

1/8 cup Oil or Honey

5 – 10 drops Extract

Mix thoroughly in a small bowl. Modify as needed (to get the consistency you prefer). Transfer to closed container. Store 2 – 3 weeks.

To use the scrub, dampen your hands with warm water. Scoop the scrub out of the container and apply to your hands. Work it in. Don’t scrub too hard, you don’t want to hurt yourself. Gently for longer is better than vigorously for a shorter time! Use this as a time to give your hands a self massage – you’ll love that if you’ve been practicing a lot! When you’re done reveling in the feeling, rinse with warm (not hot) water. Pat dry. Apply moisturizer or other emollient.

Obviously, don’t use anything you’re allergic to or react to. Sugar is gentler than salt and ground almonds are the most intense. Nothing says you can’t switch between them…or mix them together. If you have never used a scrub, start with sugar (as the gentlest) and decide from there. Don’t use this more than two or three times a week. When you’re done scrubbing, use your favorite cream, gel, or lotion to lock In the moisturize-y goodness.

Don’t make a huge amount, it will only last for a couple of weeks and you only want to use it a couple of times a week so you don’t need a whole lot at any one time.

Important to remember – this is for your hardworking hands NOT your gentle and beautiful face!

Of course, you could take the easy way out and buy a scrub – but where’s the fun in that? While you’re making and using it, remember that it’s not rocket surgery. If you want it scrubbier, use less oil. If you want it softer, use more. Want it less fragrant, back off the smell agent. If you want unscented don’t put any in. It’s yours so make it the way you want!

When you go online (oh, come on, I know you’re going to!) you will also find recipes with dish soap. This is certainly do-able, but I find dish soap drying, so I avoid it. If you want to clean your hands before you scrub, you can certainly wash up first as step one and then slather on the scrub mix.

If you’re one of those people who is bad at setting aside “me time” this is for you because it’s self-coddling but also really quick. So while you can’t really do anything else while you’re scrubbing, it doesn’t take a long time to do – so you get a treat without that “I should be doing something else” guilt!

Give it a try and let me know what you think. Which scrub do you prefer? What’s your favorite scent? Let me know – in the comments!

Skin

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Now that Thanksgiving has passed, and autumn is only 75% complete, it’s increasingly difficult to hang on to it! Winter is banging on the door with its colder temperatures, brisk winds, rain-ice-snow, and days that seem to end before the begin! Really, it’s winter long before it’s actually started.

No matter where you live, winter brings some challenges for us as harp players. It is important to adhere to our self-care and take it seriously. This is to keep playing comfortably, but also to keep healthy. It’s hard to play when your fingers feel like your skin has been tightened or your fingers have splits – and being rough and flaky is just no fun!

Your skin is the largest organ of your body and it has many functions. And being your primary protective barrier is an important one. Your skin protects you from a lot of bad stuff – including bangs, scrapes, and diseases.

Since it’s delicate, you need to care for your skin. After the recent unpleasantness, we all know that hand washing is essential to avoiding getting sick. Just because the plague is not currently on the land doesn’t mean you should slack on handwashing – 20 seconds (as long as it takes to sing “Happy Birthday” through twice) each time you wash your hands.

While washing your hands often and thoroughly is good for your health, it is hard on your skin. Even moisturizing soaps will, with frequent use, dry out your skin. Use warm, not hot, water and pat your hands dry (rather than trying to scrub the water off like I do!).

Using an effective moisturizer will help. Just like we get thirsty in winter because cold air and heating systems dry the air, our skin is also thirsty. Moisturizers will help keep your skin supple. Whether it’s made of shea butter, cocoa butter, aloe vera, or another moisturizer that you know works for you, regular use is important to keep your skin hydrated and supple. It’s good to have some on hand (get it!) all the time.

This is also the time of year when we all crave cozy. Once a week or so, while you’re relaxing and bundled up, consider giving yourself an at home “minicure” – the works. Soak in warm water (or milk) before slathering on a thick emollient. Then put on cotton gloves and head into bed. The gloves and the warmth will help lock in that moisture and keep you extra warm! You can do the trimming, filing, and polishing another time, but you’ll also have supple hands!

We focus on our hands because they are central to our playing but make sure you’re taking care of all of your skin. You will quickly notice when your skin splits, hang nails form, and your fingers get flaky, but it is still important to care for the skin on the rest of your body too!

Even though the winter weather is just beginning, you can get ahead of keeping your fingers and hands well moisturized and comfortable – which will make playing so much easier (and no wincing while you play!). What do you do to keep your fingers and hands happy? Let me know in the comments below!

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Questions

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Do you ever feel like you’re floundering? Like you should be playing but just can’t seem to get onto the bench? In a quiet inner voice are you asking, “why am I doing this?” and not coming up with an answer?

This might be especially true as we come out of the summer season when there are so many workshops and learning opportunities. We see our harp buddies, we sit through the courses. Everyone seems so on fire. At least it seems like it. So we have to ask why we’re not all lit up like everyone else?

It happens – probably to all of us. Sometimes we might lose sight of our why. It’s not a bad thing – if you didn’t care, the question wouldn’t even occur to you.

Everyone else might be lit up because they aren’t adrift at this moment. Or they could be on autopilot and not thinking about it. Or they could be hiding that they are asking themselves the very same question.

It’s ok for your relationship with your harp and your music to go through phases. It’s ok to be all ate up and it’s ok to need a break and it’s ok to be happy as a clam and it’s ok to wonder how come you are stuck. It is not ok, however, to look at everyone else and wonder why they’re not.

We can talk about comparison another time, but for now – if you’re wallowing, not making progress, or even wondering if you should just give up, what should you do?

Start by acknowledging that you’ve got this feeling and you need to explore it. Then you can just ask more questions. Like how are you really feeling? Are you listless? Are you just practicing to say you did but not really engaging? Are you so busy watching other people play (I’m talking to you scrollers who are wondering why you can’t do that thing you saw on FaceTikGram)? Are you thinking you need to do something, but don’t know what? Are you afraid that you’re doing it wrong?

This is a very real struggle. And it can be concerning because it can come and go, attacking when you’re low and disappearing when you’re not. It’s also insidious because it tends to point us to asking the wrong questions to get ourselves back on track. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re not making zero progress.

You’re not lost. You might just need to find some new questions.

What questions could you be asking yourself? Note that no one else can answer these for you. Also, you’re not telling anyone the answers (or the questions), so there’s no comparisons to anyone else. Give yourself time to answer these, they deserve thoughtful, not flip, answers. How about:

  • If I could do anything right now, what would it be? (NB – doesn’t have to be harp related, but that’s kinda where we’re looking)
  • If there was a shiny object, what would it be? (adult version: what do I want to be doing that I’m not, but I could be if I let myself?)
  • What is my harp nirvana (what would make me be so enthralled that I’d completely lose track of time, hunger, and thirst?!)
  • What do I hate so bad that I’d rather skip playing to avoid it?
  • What could I do daily to make my harp life align with my vision of my perfect harp life?
  • What could I do if I was infinitely patient with myself, gave up my should and treated myself as a student or mentee who is allowed to experiment, explore, create, and fail gently?
  • What other questions should I be asking myself to keep progressing?

It’s only by continuing to ask ourselves questions that we’ll continue to grow (ok, that and practicing!). There is no end to the questions you might ask yourself.

Of course, you don’t have to be adrift to ask these questions. You can always be answering them at any time. But when you’re rudderless, it’s easy to focus on not going anywhere – and that’s where the questions come in, helping you get yourself back on course. What questions should I have included? Have you had the opportunity to grow like this? I love hearing from you, send me a comment!

Perfect

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Perfect

What an ugly word.

I often hear people relate that they can’t play a tune yet, because it’s not ready – it’s not perfect.

Pfffttttttt

There is no perfect. There is just today. There’s as good as you can make it just now. Be the star you are.

Don't be perfect, be a star!

I get it. It’s ouchie to perform. It can make anyone anxious to get out there. Especially when some of the repertoire doesn’t feel near ready, much less perfect. And that’s a shame, because I can’t think of any music that was generated to not be shared!

But then there’s that endless loop inside heads that sort of goes:

 it’s-not-good-enough-I’m-not-good-enough-it’ll-never-be-ready-why-am-I-even-trying-and-on-and-on-and-on-and-on-and-on-and

How can we get past that – because really, music is meant to be shared! Here are five things to keep in mind:

One. Don’t be anxious (I know, easy for me to say). A lot of the time we are afraid and/or anxious – the tune isn’t perfect and I’m going to look stupid, people are going to know I’m faking it, I can’t withstand the humiliation of not being flawless, etc.

I hate to break it to you, but it’s not about you. People genuinely enjoy music. Even more, people love to hear live music. And they can get ecstatic being in an audience which is small enough that they can actually meet and have a conversation with the artist. You truly are offering a boon to someone, and you should acknowledge that!

Two. Playing perfectly is a failure. If you actually play perfectly, it likely means that you missed the mark for the audience. Every audience is different, even if it’s the cat and curtains or the same people on a different day, so you need to play differently for each of them. People who are listening to you play want heart, to make a connection, to feel. None of that is included in perfect. Perfect is mechanical, static, and dead. Ick.

Three. Rise to play again. So you missed a note or two (or a hundred), got off the tempo, got flustered, or otherwise felt like you didn’t do well. Maybe I haven’t swayed you off being perfect yet, so, here’s another harsh reality – you’re going to play those tunes jillions of times and there’s never going to be perfect. And that’s ok. Ref 2 above. Instead, think about how you got where you were (when something fell apart) and…

Four. Focus. Learn from the foibles of your wobbly performance and use that to focus your practice. Learn from your mistakes and go forward to make new, bolder, more daring, more creative mistakes! Learning goes both ways too. Sometimes your fingering deserts you and you can’t extricate yourself from a bad situation gracefully – then spend time evaluating your fingering and making repetition your friend. Sometimes you miss the chord you were aiming for and you get some glorious, jazzy sound – remember that stuff and mine it for more cool ideas!

Five. You are amazing, right now, right here – just accept that as true (because it is). Concentrate on comparing you to yourself. Every time I get off stage I am struck by two things – how many mistakes I made (I’m not going to lie – I am human) and how much better/easier/less terrifying it was than the time before and definitely since I started! This metric helps pull me through those times when I’m pretty sure I played with rented fingers all the while allowing me to be kinda pleased with my progress (no matter how slow it has been!).

At this point, you might be thinking that I write about this a lot. Well, I’m going to keep writing about this as long as you keep telling me about how you’re not perfect – and until it sinks in that you are good enough and that you should just shut up and play!*

When does the need to be perfect get in your way? Have you ever had that need cause you to seize up (I have!)? Never had that happen? Great – how did you get there? Let me know in the comments!

*Please don’t be offended, I say this to myself any time I start to feel me pulling back. We don’t play for glory or perfect-ing but because we love it, so we should all sit back, enjoy the ride, and shut up and play!

On Balance

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I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but everyone else is getting older. Every day. Inexorably. Also, not everyone gets their jollies by carting around nearly 30 pounds of wood in a bag on their shoulder.

Oh wait.

Ok, we are all getting older, e-v-e-r-y single day and we do sort of enjoy an activity that can require us to tote around a large, unwieldy bag full of recycled tree bits. And that’s before we’ve even begun to have fun! All this moving the harp (even without the case) can require that we have good balance. Like other things we practice, with small but consistent activities we can get there.

Adding functional exercises will help you tote your harp. They will also help you carry groceries, sit and get up from the dinner table, walk across the room or on a sidewalk. They can even make sitting at your harp easier. And activities like bending to one side, grabbing a handle and shoulder strap to lift a bag of tree parts onto your shoulder, then walking some finite distance, lifting said bag into and out of a vehicle, and subsequently toting it somewhere else to bend over again to place it gently on the ground are just part of everyday life! Easy-peasy, right?

Now, before I go any farther, I must reiterate that I am not that kind of doctor, and you should speak to your physician before embarking on any exercise or fitness regimen. Everything I say is a suggestion or just an idea. Functional exercises are a physical practice and require strength, flexibility, and balance to build greater strength, flexibility, and balance. Consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new fitness programs, especially anything I suggest. If you have any injuries, health conditions, or other physical limitations, it is important that you remember that you must take care of yourself, especially before trying any new or modified exercises. The information provided on this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare professionals with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Reading this blog, or trying anything I suggest, involves risks and your results may vary.

Now, back to the point at hand. Working a few functional exercises into your everyday routine can help you continue to be able to carry your harp (or lift it onto the harp cart) for a long time to come by helping to ensure you have the balance needed to successfully bend over, lift, carry your harp without falling over! Here are three functional exercises that can move you toward improved balance:

  1. Stand on one foot. No, I am not kidding. Can you do it for 10 – 15 seconds? Longer? If you are at all wobbly (or if you’re just smart), do this behind a chair or at your kitchen counter to catch yourself in case you lose your balance. If you can easily do 15 seconds, can you do 30? The longer the better. When you’re feeling big and bad and hard to diaper, try it with your eyes closed (definitely have the chair for this!). It’s important to be able to stand on one foot – you spend half the time you’re walking in that position! This also strengthens your feet which do most of the work keeping you balanced.
  2. Undecideds (sit to stand). You might think it’s easy to sit down or to stand up from a chair (or you might not). You know how to do this. Use a straight chair (like a dining room chair or your harp bench). Stand in front of it and sit down, now stand up. And again, nine more times (like you can’t decide to sit or to stand!). While you’re doing these, try to remain upright (don’t bend over and hurl yourself onto the seat and similarly, don’t push off the table or make loud groaning noises!). If you’re not used to doing these, do them in a chair with arms because while one might be easy, ten will sneak up on you! (you can also use your legs to push off if you don’t have a chair with arms). Strengthening your legs helps in nearly everything you do. (PS if this isn’t enough, move to squats – same idea just no chair to fall into).
  3. Teapots (side bending). I haven’t ever seen anyone pick up their harp case from the floor who didn’t add a sideways bend (like “I’m a Little Tea Pot”) and worse, many of us not only bend sideways, we also bend forward at the same time – which is just begging to topple – head over tea kettle as they say. For this, sit upright in that chair we just finished not flopping onto with your arms hanging along your sides. Bend to reach to the floor on one side, come back to the middle and reach for the other side. Keep yourself upright, no slouching or slumping. If you can’t reach the floor no worries, you know it’s there and it gives you something to strive for. Don’t forget to breathe.

Do each of these exercises about ten times each then repeat the sequence two more times. Like all our practice, it’s about slow, careful progress not speed or overdoing it. Take it easy, build up, and enjoy the process. And, like harp technique books, there are loads of additional activities you can add to help you improve your balance. These are just a few that are easy enough to bring in to any practice session to make moving your recycled trees a bit easier over time.

What do you do to improve your balance? Do you have a different functional exercise to share? I’m always looking for some and you know I love to hear from you – leave me a comment!

Don’t Get Me Out Of Here!

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Don’t Get Me Out Of Here!

We talked about why you might experience anxiety playing for other people and we shared a few reasons that might happen (you can revisit that here). And that’s all well and good – kumbaya and all – but what can we do to get past all that mess and on to the fun part of sharing music with other people? Well…

Let’s start with recognizing that it’s normal to feel a bit discombobulated before performing. That feeling is a response to a perceived threat. And few things feel as threatening as having your fears exposed like you’re the stomach of a biology class frog.  It can be a bit daunting! But it’s important to know that it’s not just you (even though it feels like it!) – everyone gets a bit tangled when they’re going to do something uncomfortable. Welcome to being human.

Of course, it can be difficult to do some of these things.  It is easy to forget to not be scared when your inner wildebeest thinks it’s been scented by a hungry lion! But if you don’t control your fear, it will control you. And besides, we do this because we enjoy it – so we might as well enjoy it!

You can’t really grow out of being human but you can learn to be better at it. So here are some ways to help yourself get out of your own way. *

  • Breathe! (or meditate or pray, as you prefer) This is so important to help you keep a clear head and to not hyperventilate! It also helps lower your blood pressure and heart rate which makes you feel calmer (because scared people don’t have a lower BP and pulse!). (Sometimes I write “BREATHE!” at the top of the set list – just in case I forget).

  • Assess the situation. I like to look over the audience and realize I don’t (typically) know the people.  It’s not like favorite teacher (or a frenemey) was watching. Those people want to be there and be part of the experience. They want to be there! Bask in the beauty of that! And let it assuage your fear a bit.

  • Name the beast. What are you most afraid of? Say it out loud (or write it out or paint it – you get the idea – make it real outside your head). When it’s outside your head, you can skewer the thoughts with questions and observations. Remind yourself that, while your brain is trying to protect you, there is no physical danger, and you are ok – just scaring yourself. If you can, laugh at what’s scaring you.

  • Sing Happy Birthday. If you’re ruminating on these thoughts, sing a song, take up the space in your brain and interrupt the thought train the same way you stop an earworm!
  • Take care of you. Do your best to get some rest and eat well. This is not the time to break your caffeine habit (or start one) or radically change your diet!
  • Acknowledge your preparation. We often start to tell ourselves that if we just had one more week, we’d be set. Give yourself enough time to prepare and use that time to make yourself comfortable that you are in fact ready.
  • Practice. The best tip I ever got about performing was to practice! Get out and perform every chance you get. Don’t just play for the cat and the curtains – but for real (and appreciative) people! As recently as just a few years ago many of us went out to share music with our neighbors. No reason you can’t still do that. They will be just as appreciative without the threat and pall of diseases!
  • Think! I know it’s tempting to focus on thinking that you’re not ready, you’re feeling sick, and you’re afraid. Instead, actually think about what you’re doing. Hear your tunes in your head. Focus on what comes next. Do this not only as you perform but also when you’re practicing at home – get in the habit of thinking before you play.
  • Turn your frown upside down. Practice delivering your internal dialog positively. Remind yourself of how hard you have worked and how well you are doing. No, I don’t mean lie to yourself. Be honest. If you can’t, pretend you’re talking to a friend of yours and tell that person.
  • Perform. Your real goal isn’t to slay it but to do better than you did before. You can only improve compared to yourself.

You don’t have to feel like you have to make a break for it or send out a message to “Get me out of here!”. You can, of course, also try just telling yourself to get over it, but I haven’t found that to be a particularly successful strategy.

Keep in mind that all of these things are not “one and done” you might have to do one, start to play, employ another, play some more, etc. You are also you (you might have noticed) so not all of these may work for you – use some and see what works best. And then incorporate it every time!

 

Have you used any of these strategies? Did they work for you? Do you have other methods of dealing with your nerves? I can always use more ideas, so let me know in the comments!

 

* As I mentioned in the earlier post, I’m talking about situational anxiety which is NOT the same as generalized anxiety. If you suspect you have more than just a twinge of getting in knots over stepping on stage – seek professional help.

Get me out of here!

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Get me out of here!

When I asked you what you wanted me to write about, a surprisingly large number of you asked me about dealing with the anxiety of playing in front of other people. While I wish I could say that I don’t know what you’re talking about, all that came to mind was Nietzsche, who pointed out that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And that hard to shake feeling of Get me out of here!

(actually that usually is my thought process – going round and round between “I don’t want to!” and “it won’t kill you to try”)

Why we get nervous or anxious before we play for other people can come from a lot of things – probably more that we could cover herePS. But the clear winner is that we are afraid that we will not acquit ourselves well in the moment. A fancy way to say that we’re afraid we’ll mess up and everyone will laugh. Or worse, they won’t laugh right then, they will tell us that it was great, and then will gather over the cookies and laugh.

Where did that come from?!

Well – here are a few places it can come from:

  • Basic insecurity which can grow from failing previously (and I don’t know about you, but I have had some spectacular fails).
  • Comparing ourselves to others (we’ve talked before about that before here and here).
  • Outsized expectations of ourselves – Are you now shooting for admission to that exclusive conservatory? No? Then lay off.
  • Perfectionism. Really? Perfect is boring. And while you want to do well, your audience wants human experience (otherwise, they’d listen to a recording)

All of these though are just faces of fear – fear that we won’t do well, that we’re not good enough, that everyone will laugh at us for daring to think we’re better than we are.

The best advice I’ve gotten to address this is to maintain perspective. When you get up in front of people to play you might project your fears and insecurities and feel all that anxiety. In a worse case, you’re projecting them so loudly that you cannot hear your audience. While you’re thinking “please let me not screw up beyond redemption” your audience are thinking things like:

  • I wish I could do that (play an instrument).
  • I wish I were that good.
  • I wish I were that brave.
  • I wish I were that competent.
  • I wish I were that accomplished.
  • I wish I were that capable.
  • I wish I were that fearless.
  • I wish I could do that (get up in front of a bunch of people, open a window to my soul, and share what’s inside).

Listen to them – at least more than you’re listening to you.

Next week, a little less philosophy and a little more practicality with some ways to move past the anxiety, so that you can sit on the bench and play for others. Until then, I have to go off and hope you found this helpful and aren’t laughing at me thinking I know anything. Let me know in the comments (even if you are laughing at me).

PS – This is all outside of clinical issues including anxieties and depression which are serious but also a far cry from that sick feeling that I think you were asking about. If you are experiencing significant anxiety and/or depression, please seek competent professional help. Sorry, I’m not that kind of psychologist.