Permission Granted x20

Posted on April 10, 2019 by Jen

Playing the harp is more challenging than it looks. You already know that. That’s why we work hard during practices. It’s why we try to practice regularly – so that we enjoy small, incremental improvements each day. And this is one reason I’m always suggesting that we track our progress – to acknowledge, accept, and grow from that practice.

Practicing certainly gives us a way to work on the technical aspects of playing, but there is so much more to playing – things that go beyond the technical. However, to get to those things we sometimes need to get out of our own way.

So, how do we do that? We start by giving ourselves permission. Permission for lots of things. But mostly, you have to give yourself permission to be YOU!

Here are 20 types of permission you might consider giving yourself:

Permission to fail. It happens. Actually, if you’re learning, you’ll fail a lot on the way. But if you refuse yourself the opportunity to fail, you won’t learn…and that would be a shame.
Permission to be silly. There is so much seriousness in music, but a little silly will probably help you enjoy more.
Permission to give it rest. Sometimes you need to percolate – and taking a little break will give you the option to do just that.
Permission to be as good as you are (and no better). You are where you are. Be there.
Permission to work on just one thing (until you get it right). Sometimes we think we have to master everything, all at once. But this doesn’t really do much except frustrate you.
Permission to do scary things. When you scare yourself, you learnt that it didn’t kill you to try something new. We’re usually most scared that we will embarrass ourselves – you’re going to embarrass yourself one way or another, so embarrass yourself your own way!
Permission to get out there and share. We often huddle in the safe cocoon of our harp room at home. But the music is best shared – so get out there!
Permission to fail again (and again and again and again). You can’t just stop at one failure – do it over and over and over – and each time you’ll learn more that you can apply to the next failure.
Permission to make art in multiple ways. This can be as small as playing a new kind of music or as big as learning to sculpt or paint or write. All your art will work to help you in the others.
Permission to create “first drafts” (and second and third and on and on as needed). You know that what you see on stage or on YouTube is not spontaneous, right? So why do you expect your initial efforts to be performance ready? Think of the pre-work as your “drafts” that you will continue to refine and develop – until they are ready to share.
Permission to have fun. Ok, this is pretty self-explanatory!
Permission to laugh at yourself. No really, you should be able to laugh at yourself. Keep it light – it’s not rocket surgery after all.
Permission to expect more from yourself. You don’t have to be content with your lot – you can want more (as long as you’re willing to work for it).
Permission to be good at some things, not good at some others, and even to be terrible at a few. Here’s an example – I’m good at playing the harp, I’m not as good at cooking and I’m terrible at gardening. I’m ok with that – I allocate my time and resources accordingly (e.g., I practice for hours, I heat soup for dinner, and I pay a kid in the neighborhood to tend the garden – that’s that sorted!).
Permission to practice as much as you need – and no more. I know some of you struggle to get your butt on the bench, but others spend too much time there – practice while it’s productive, and then go do something else. Got a deadline? Try a little practice multiple times in the day.
Permission to be happy with where you are. This might seem counterintuitive (or counter to development) but it’s not – you are where you are. Be there. Right then. Realize too that time is a river – there is only constant change and you are changing when you are where you are – give yourself permission to accept that.
Permission to want more. You think I’m contradicting myself – but remember I said there is constant change – if you want more, want it – and work for it!
Permission to change your mind. Playing classical music and tired of it? Trapped in session tunes but longing for something more “substantial”? OK. It’s ok to change your mind about what you want to play. Just do it.
Permission to keep track of what you are doing…and what you want to do next. However, you need to – keep track in your own way and build on that.
Permission to spend your valuable time doing what you love. After all, time may be your most precious commodity – so spend the time you have doing what you love.

There are plenty of permissions to give yourself. What other ones do you give yourself (or do you need to give yourself)? Share that in the comments!

We’re all made of Stories – The Comparison Trap

Posted on March 11, 2019 by Jen

We humans observe…and then compare. We are always collecting data about the world around us, analyzing it, and then selecting a winner. We have a classification scheme for winners and not winners – so we see where we rank in there.

This comparison trap is insidious in two ways. It assumes that you are an unbiased (and knowledgeable) arbiter of truth and it rarely takes context into account.

And typically, when we make comparisons, we find ourselves wanting.

Finding yourself wanting is not motivating.

Are you a “Fair Witness” *? Are you certain that you are qualified to critique the performance of others relative to your own? And can you say, perhaps with more certainty, that you are qualified to evaluate your own performance – clear eyed and unbiased? Are you a Fair Witness to yourself that you can only report the truth with no trace of bias? Likely not – you have a vested interest in the outcome, so be honest about your ability to assess.

I just learned that my sister writes poetry. I learned this while thumbing through an anthology in which she is published! This very clearly highlighted the second point of context. You very rarely have insight into the context of others (even in a close relationship). Even though we are all made of stories – we don’t tell them all to everyone. And there are some we tell no one. In addition, many have no insight into the context of themselves, much less that of others. And even if you know someone, you might not have an accurate view of their context.

On occasion, you’ll hear someone “praise” another by stating baldly that playing the harp comes easily to (another). I find this both horrifying and irritating. You might think you should be delighted to receive what might be meant as a compliment. But because you have worked quite hard to be where you are, and even if you give the illusion that it comes easily, you might rather be annoyed that someone has discounted all that hard work. When you compare your own playing to someone else’s (or someone compares themselves to you), you never know the entire context – where they are, what is happening, or how your comparison may upset them. By the same token you may not be fully aware of how things affect you and impact your own playing.

As the trope goes (did you know that “trope” originated as a music term?) Comparison is the thief of joy. Why do we make comparisons? Because we’re good at it. We are quite adept at making pairwise comparisons (choosing a preference between two options). There are entire lines of research built on these comparisons – we’re that good at making them! But in this case, our strength (comparison) is a real weakness – because, you don’t have to pick! Someone else can be good and you are still too!

In addition, comparing yourself to someone else is more likely to make you feel bad than to make you play better (and you can see how that’s not helpful – the comparison makes you feel bad, so you’re not motivated to practice, so you do not become better (and may lose ground), which makes you not play as well the next time you’re with others and your comparison results in your poorer showing – etc.…you can see how that’s a downward spiral of not very helpful).

At a recent workshop I overheard a relatively new harper wistfully comment, “I’ll never play as well as (insert significantly experienced, p-r-o-f-e-s-s-i-o-n-a-l harp player here).” ** Well, DUH! Of course you don’t! You’ve been playing the harp for 10 minutes and they’ve played for 20/30/40 years. You dabble, fit it in, get to it when you can, as a hobby. That person is a pro – it’s their job! And they are seasoned, they work at it – you know, for hours – every day. And they are absorbed in multiple aspects of being a musician, not just the practicing for 20 minutes when they can!

Of course you don’t play at the same level! When I overhear this, I am always tempted to ask, “Do you w-a-n-t to play at that level? Or do you just wish you played at that level?” Big difference! (of course, the start of the difference is – you know what I’m going to say – practice!)

Do you say to every Dentist or Auto Mechanic you meet, “oh, I wish I pulled teeth or rebuilt transmissions as well as you”? Bah! No, you don’t, so why do you do that with harpers? (and if you do, stop, you’re creeping people out!).

But how can you escape the Trap and emerge solid in your own story (and possibly helping other people grow fully into their own stories)?

Be honest – and clear – about where you are and where the other person is (and the path from here to there). And be frank about your willingness to take that same path (or not)!

Be content, but not complacent – You are where you have gotten. You are not your harp hero. But you might be someone else’s (did you ever think about that?). So kindly and gently encourage yourself to continue to work and grow. You already know that it is work to continue – but it’s fun work! And there’s no deadline, so just keep at it.

Be analytical (but only part of the time) – note how much you have grown as a harp player. No, really note – be aware. At one point you hadn’t even touched a harp – and look at you now! One of the reasons I’m always exhorting you to keep a journal of your practice is so that you record (and therefore don’t forget and can review) your small, “every day” successes! Because those small accomplishments are what matter.

Be-YOU-tiful (stolen from a tea towel!) – you are amazing! Be that. You have strengths and weaknesses – just like everyone else. Celebrate your strengths. Be mindful of your weaknesses. Work on those weaknesses you want to be stronger at, set up systems to support the ones you know need work (but are still working on), and forget the rest. If you have to, turn your picture upside down so the weaknesses are in fine print at the bottom rather than in headlines at the top of your page.

There is one comparison that does matter – how are you now relative to you previously? Are you growing? Are you becoming the you that you want to be (not wish – but want). Do your thing. Let everyone else worry about being them. Do you have another way of keeping your thief of joy in check? Share that in the comments!

* If you haven’t read this, you might enjoy it – at your local library or at online
**I have no problem making this claim since I hear this at nearly every workshop I attend.

Celebrate Peace

Posted on November 14, 2018 by Jen

Sunday was Armistice Day, and the 100th anniversary of the end of the war to end all wars.

Ok, so they didn’t get that bit right.

Armistice Day, Veterans’ Day, Remembrance Day – no matter where you live, it is an opportunity to remember the fallen who gave their lives, and those who pledged their lives so we could enjoy ours in peace and freedom.

That seems like a good reason to give them their due the way we are best able – through music.

There are so many things you could do at this point. You could do nothing, of course.

But instead, you could commemorate the original Armistice and play the tunes of the day – there was some great tunes written at that time including Keep the Home Fires Burning, It’s a Long Way to Tipperary, or Carry Me Back to Ol’ Virginie.

You could play music from other post war eras including anything from Irving Berlin. Or you could just play music of our own time – which we enjoy because of those that came before.

You could compose your own pieces.

And you could play in a number of places including a Veterans’ Home, for a veteran’s group, or another civic group.

Just play – and enjoy that you can do so in peace!

When you fall –

Posted on October 24, 2018 by Jen

I heard a very interesting story on the blahblahblah radio station* as I was traveling home from a delightful trip to the Stone Mountain Highland Games in Atlanta (always fun – and so very pleased to have been invited to judge the competition, to teach a workshop, and to perform!).

The story on the radio related that there will be a marathon runner in this year’s Marine Corps Marathon 10K (which, for any couch potatoes in the crowd, is nearly 6¼ miles!). What made it interesting is that the runner is retired US Army Master Sargent Cedric King, who stepped on a large explosive while in Afghanistan, losing both of his legs.

As you might have guessed, he had a hard row to hoe making a comeback from that. But he did. And now he’s a distance runner. What he said in the interview really struck me – from the beginning when he said that this event – and its outcome – are what made his life take a turn for the best.

Yikes, I am relentlessly upbeat, but even I am awed by that attitude!

In the interview, he said some things that I thought are important and applicable to us. Now, I don’t in any way, equate the challenges we have as we try to learn, master, and perform our music with all the things Master Sargent King went through. However, he has an inner strength and a focus that could help anyone become better at anything they chose to focus on. Here are my take-aways (I was driving, so I couldn’t really take notes, these are my impressions rather than quotes!).

Master Sargent King pointed out that when you have a long way to go, focus on getting through the next step, not the next mile. We often become overwhelmed by the sheer volume of ink on the page or the vast amount of sound in the air when we’re trying to learn a tune. Or the idea of putting together an entire package of music (for competition, for a gig, for the next lesson) can be crushing. But if you remember, production of music is serial – you can’t rush listening, it can only go in the way your ears take it, one note at a time. You can work on it one thing at a time. The next step, and only the next step, will get you there. It is good to keep the end in mind, but you can only get there in small, individual, steps. No one gets there in one step, unless they have musical seven-league boots!
He also pointed out that when you have to recover, you might have to relearn things you’ve been doing for years. So what? No need to be embarrassed. So you have to relearn those things – get to it (and it will get easier). This is a toughie – because we all want to avoid embarrassment. And while we typically don’t actually fall when we’re doing our work, we can metaphorically fall (although, I have actually fallen off the bench before – not pretty, and very embarrassing!). I think of this with two kinds of “falls” – the first is when we have allowed bad habits to worm their way in and we need to “break it down”, go back to the basics, unlearn our bad habits and relearn better approaches – whether to be faster, more accurate, or to avoid pain and injury. It is disheartening, but if we pay attention to our “recovery time” we’d see that it’s not that bad. The second kind of fall is when we are self-taught or have had less rigorous instruction (you can’t blame the teacher if you left before you had learned all that teacher had to share) and you realize that despite your advanced harp years or experience, you don’t know how to perform basic elements (Did you know how to do an arpeggio accurately? Not everyone learned that). In that instance, you have to seek instruction and share with someone that you need help learning (whatever) “basic” element that you haven’t already learned. Embarrassing, but not fatal – go, get the help you need to learn when you need to learn and move on.
Mr. King talked about getting right back up, don’t spend any time down. When you fall, get right back up, don’t pause, don’t rest, don’t think about it, just get up and get at it! Again, I wouldn’t say that our “falling” is nearly as challenging as his, but we all have something that intimidates us. His point is that if you fall, get right back up because every moment that you stay down makes it harder to get up. Wait too long and you’ll be on the floor permanently. Don’t let the mistake in your student recital, the flawed execution at Harp Circle, or the lengthy comments after your competition set keep you on the floor. In fact, if you haven’t failed, you’re probably not trying! So, get up, dust off, review what happened, learn, apply and move on. If you get up every time, you’ve got this!

Remember that everything around you is likely to have an application to your harp life – just listen – and be grateful. Your struggle for flawless scales is nothing compared to recovering from a life altering injury. But your attitude will certainly make it go easier. Have you fallen? How did you get up and get moving? Let me know in the comments!

* you can read the whole story at https://wtop.com/marine-corps-marathon/2018/10/marine-corps-marathon-before-he-could-run-this-soldier-had-to-learn-to-walk-again/slide/1/

What are you afraid of?

Posted on October 17, 2018 by Jen

Many of us took up the harp (or knitting, or golf, or baking, or something else) as a hobby – something we enjoy. Something that makes a pleasant way to spend time whilst also making us happy. Because these activities are fun and happifying (why yes, I did think that I had just made up that word…which made me happy, but it’s in the dictionary – it’s a real word which makes me happier still), sometimes the pleasure drives us to keep at it – allowing the activity to consume more and more of our time and other resources.

To whit
“What is the right number of harps to own?”
“One more!”

The pleasure. The fun. The happiness. The enjoyment. The drive to learn more, experience more, enjoy more – the thirst for the activity, only slaked by more of it. Ah, so sweet! Playing the harp is a most excellent hobby!

And then, someone prevails upon you to play at church, or a wedding, or a tea, or a funeral. And you agree. It’s just this one event. You’re helping someone else. You’re bringing solace, or contributing to joy, or setting an atmosphere, or creating a milieu. What fun.

And then it hits you. You’re not a performer. You’re not a pro. What have you done?!?

The safety of being an amateur falls away.

And you’re left, terrified. What will you play? Do you have enough repertoire? What if you make a mistake? W-h-y did you agree to do this?

The fear creeps in…like a freight train!

Does fear grip your joy? Does it chase away the happiness? Does the color drain from your delight?

But wait! What are you afraid of? No, really. STOP!

Identify – and name – your fears. By naming your fears (e.g. “I’ll be laughed at”, don’t name it “Harry”), you begin to hold them up to the light. To see what they actually are and to work around them. Maybe start by reminding yourself that loads of people share your fears. And no, that’s not different for you – despite you telling yourself that…just like all the other people do!

Afraid you’ll make a mistake? Some mitigations are available against this. Practice more, only play things you feel strongly confident about, create (and practice) repair points throughout the music, practice “playing through” the mistakes you make, and practice improvising on the tunes. Don’t plan to play anything shaky (do not plan to “pull it out of a hat” while performing – that very rarely goes well!). And build your program to support you – start strong, back every (relatively) weak tune with a “comforter” (a strong, well learned tune) and end strong. Practicing these things will help you feel more confident and help to fight off the fear.

Afraid you won’t be good enough? You’ll be fine – build a strong program, prepare and practice, remember it’s only one day (and that we all have good days and bad days, even your harp hero!). Remember the point of each practice session is to get a little better, stronger, more poised than the practice before. No, you’re not _____ (insert name of current harp crush), but they didn’t ask her to play their event, did they? Nope – they asked YOU! Get out of your own way and play!

Afraid of the audience? That they may laugh, or boo, or leave? Or worse, that they feel nothing. Remember that you are communicating, and they are eager to get the message! Remember too that you are giving and it is not a contest. If you intend to give, what you give will be just right to meet that intention. Also remember that while about 20% of kids (and even fewer adults) have music lessons to learn an instrument, over 80% of adults report wishing they played an instrument! They are too impressed, in awe, and/or envious to laugh or boo. [SIDE NOTE: I hope you have one of the most amazing antidotes to this – to have an audience member seek you out to tell you how much they enjoyed your music. It will make your heart swell with pleasure and pride! And before you dismiss their comments as them “just being nice”, remember this – that person so enjoyed your music that they fought their own fears to come up to you, possibly face your rejection of them(!), to share with you that you made a difference to them (sometimes effusively, sometimes haltingly) and that they are grateful. Honor that, use it build your own confidence – and DO NOT THROW IT AWAY! {Haven’t had this experience? Be patient}]

Afraid you’ll embarrass yourself? The only way to do this is to be unprepared and to not bring your best effort with you. Do the work, and don’t let the fear stop you.

What are you afraid of? Don’t be! Instead enjoy all the things you learn, feel, and share and really get into it. And don’t let fear steal your joy – just enjoy.

Do you get fearful when you sign up to perform? How do you go about getting past it? Was it worth it? Let me know in the comments!

Be Brave!

Posted on October 3, 2018 by Jen

There’s a reason you always need to check your fortune cookie, even if you don’t eat the cookie! There’s some potential wisdom in there. Alan Alda appeared in my fortune cookie the other day. Well, his well-known quote did. My cookie said, “Be brave enough to live creatively.”

Do you think that you are brave? Have you recognized your own bravery? It’s highly likely that at this point you are shaking your head, laughing, saying “I’m not brave!”

But – you are. Many of us began playing the harp as adults. Minus the devil-may-care approach of children, that may be the first sign of your innate bravery. The willingness to try new things requires a leap of faith – one most adults are not willing to take. So, you have already exhibited a great deal of bravery!

But, as Mr. Alda said, being brave is actually essential to making art – in our case that would be our playing, our being musicians, our being artists. And being brave continually is central to achieving everything you strive for with your harp.

Being brave is a lot of things. Some things being brave is not (or does not require):

Wearing a cape (of course you can, if it helps you, but it is not necessary)
Being unafraid (bravery is not being unafraid, it is being afraid and taking action anyway)
Not knowing what you’re getting into (rather, bravery stems from knowing the risks, but then schooling yourself and taking on those risks)

It’s this willingness to do something in the face of fear and uncertainty that demonstrates your bravery!

You’re still shaking your head, aren’t you.

You think I’m wrong. But still, you’re thinking you might look pretty sporty in that cape! (By the way, thinking about wearing that cape – fairly brave!).

What bravery is – is persisting in the face of ambiguity and uncertainty.

There is a lot of ambiguity in making music. Confronting that ambiguity is part of the art of making music. You address it every time you play. How will you render the tune? What will your interpretation be? Should you always bring the tune forth the same way, or can it vary based on a number of factors (possibly including how brave you’re feeling that day)? Are you technically capable of delivering the tune the way you imagine it?

And the uncertainty is rampant as well. Are you making the tune show it’s best self? Is your audience responding to your presentation? Have you done all the work?

Being brave takes practice. The more you do it, the easier it gets. This is something you already know how to do – make a plan, keep notes of your progress, figure out your best system for success – and just keep at it! Playing the harp is unlikely to be the hardest thing you ever have to do in your life – and practicing being brave at the harp will probably help you be ready for the really hard stuff!

As noted above – there is plenty of opportunity to be brave. So, embrace it. Acknowledging that bravery is required is probably the first step in being your bravest self. And who knows, you might even enjoy being brave enough to be creative!

What do you see? Obstacles and Goals

Posted on September 20, 2018 by Jen

Joseph Cossman, the well-known entrepreneur, is quoted as saying, “Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal”. That’s worthy of being embroidered and hung over your harp.

And this point couldn’t be more true than when you have heard a beautiful piece of music that you desperately want to play….and then you see the sheet music. Few things are more disheartening than that initial visual assault of the dots. All those pages! All that ink! All those notes! All at the same time! Chords and ornaments and complex rhythms – who has that many fingers?!?

I always tell my students that there is nothing they cannot play. There may be a wide gulf between where they are just now and the skills a particular piece requires – but that just means that the path to playing that piece lies in not being afraid of a little hard work. It also means that it might take some time to master the music, but – there is nothing you cannot play*.

Clearly, the music is playable (remember – you heard it!). So, the real challenge is to focus on the music. And to stop staring at the obstacles. Keep an eye on the goal – see past the dots. What are the obstacles, typically? And how do you see past them? Here are some that are reliably likely to trip you up:

Poor, or as-yet-undeveloped technique. When you hear lush beauty, it is backed by strong, solid, developed and practiced technique. Always be working on your technique including learning things you haven’t had to use before. For example, if you’re self-taught or just haven’t gotten there yet – do you know how to do a glissando correctly? Always be on the lookout for things you haven’t learned how to accomplish properly and include them in your overall practice plan.
Lack of practice reading. If you are not a strong reader, even looking at relatively simple music notation can be intimidating. And looking at a complex piece of music (whether it has a complex rhythm, a lot of big chords, or notation that’s new to you) can really throw you. Reading, like every other aspect of playing, requires practice. Identify music that you can read with some effort, and practice. Work and time will get you to that place where you are comfortable identifying the notes and their names, the intervals by their locations, and repeated patterns used throughout the piece. If you need it – do some flashcards time. Learn and practice analyzing the page and you will get better at it – and that will make it come more easily too.
Not making the time to get the music. If you are growing into a piece of music – you need to give yourself time. Time to analyze, to work, to practice, to become comfortable with the music and the playing of it. If you are working on a stretch piece – or if you have identified a long-range goal, be sure to give yourself the time you need to do the work, including any things you have to learn to master the piece. If you are a relatively new harper, there may be a large number of things you need to learn – and that’s ok – as long as you give yourself the time to learn all of them!

There are other obstacles, but for now, keep your eye on your goal. Don’t lose sight of the path. Give yourself permission to divert and learn. And periodically you can return to the piece. And make sure you know what you can see.

* don’t be obtuse – of course there are arrangements that may not fit on your harp, but assuming the arrangement is appropriate to your harp (that is, if there’s pedal markings and a lot of accidentals, you might want to pass on trying to play it on your lever harp – but even then, if you’re really up for a challenge, you go ahead and give it a try!).

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