Enjoy the Silence…

Not just the enigmatic lyrics of a Depeche Mode tune but a strongly worded suggestion.

There is so much sound in our lives. Every day. Sounds we enjoy. Sounds we would rather not hear. Combinations of sounds. So many that we don’t even hear some of them. And so many that we often cannot hear ourselves think.

And note that I say sound. You may have mentally transposed that to say noise. But “Noise” carries a value judgment against the source of the sound or against it’s characteristics (like volume, timbre, pitch, complexity, etc.). But it isn’t just noise that there is so much of – there’s just a lot of sound in our world.

As musicians, we are familiar with the concept of silence. We have symbols for many types of silence (well, lengths of silence – almost as if you buy it off the bolt*). We write silences into the music all over the place.

And yet, even as musicians, we often are slightly afraid of silence. Maybe repulsed is a better word. Even the best, strictest musicians sometimes cut the sound short, not allowing it the full time allotted in the score. The longer it is, the more eerie it becomes.

We harp players have an added element to our relationship to sound. After all – so often we have at least one string continuing to oscillate – to ring on and on and on (the beauty of bass wires…the bane of bass wires).  Actually getting to silence can be difficult for us.  Sometimes silence becomes an anathema to us – because we are no longer used to hearing it.

Silence, the absence of sound, often makes us uncomfortable. Especially if we are performing – silence leaves us feeling naked. Almost as if we think the gossamer of sound provides a veil to protect us – without it, we are bared by the lack of vibration being put into the air.

Despite this, we know intuitively the power of silence.  When you’re looking for an address or you’re lost – you turn down the radio. When you really (really really) need to study, you go somewhere quiet (even those who insist they need the sounds of the tv to study). When you need to reflect, you find a quiet spot like a shrine or a meadow or a closet. But there are other reasons to find (and enjoy) silence. Silence really can be good for you – for many reasons.

  • Silence is golden (you can take that to the bank!) – you can download John Cage’s 4’ 33” from iTunes for just 99¢. Better yet, review John Cage’s earlier work and you’ll see how he might have grown into writing this piece (perhaps his most famous, and possibly his best)
  • Silence does give you time to think – when it is quiet, you can think. This is especially true when you’re performing – when you not only give yourself time to think – you give your audience time to think too!
  • Silence let’s you hear (especially small or infrequent sounds) – yes, I meant that – silence let’s you hear things you don’t hear otherwise. I live near two of my favorite sounds – a train and an airport – and yet, I only ever hear the trains or the airplanes in the small hours…even though I think I am always listening for them.
  • Silence can be soothing – there is medical research that indicates that silence is conducive to soothing and reducing stress. If you are playing in a clinical setting, knowing this is essential…but it is also helpful if you’re playing for an audience! And don’t forget that even stress reduction can be stressful, so a little silence will be helpful.
  • Silence sharpens your attention – without the distraction of sounds, you can focus on whatever you elect to attend. Whether this is your own thoughts, a project, or anything else requiring attention, you will have the capacity to focus that attention in the presence of silence.
  • Silence gives you time to breathe – This might be a subset of the previous point, but silence allows you to breathe – deeply, slowly. And breathing makes just about everything else easier!
  • Silence let’s you take a beat (sometimes literally!) – this might be the summation of all the points – when you can take a step back, take a beat, you gain a perspective you won’t otherwise. Be quiet, be still, breathe, think, focus….and then reengage and move forward.

Silence is like Brylcreem – a dab’ll do ya. Try injecting a little silence into your day and see what comes up. You can include some silences into your practice – by thinking before launching into whatever needs work or by pausing to think about what you’ve done and what you might do next. You could incorporate silence into your performances – don’t leap into a new tune as if you’re trying to get away from the last one – enjoy the brief silence (before the wild applause breaks out!). And you can include some silences into the rest of your day – at the beginning (before anyone knows you’re awake?) or at the end (when everyone thinks you’re asleep?) – you’ll be amazed what you find when you Enjoy the Silence!

 

 

*admit it, did you just visualize what a bolt of silence would look like?

Winter is coming…..

It’s solidly December – and nearly winter. And with that we’ll have the continuing cold that feels as though it will never end. Ever. Never. (If you’re near me on the US Eastern Seaboard, you know that hard to believe, since it’s been so cold already!)

We seek warmth – Cups of tea.  Mugs of coffee. Fireplaces. Sweaters, coats, scarves, socks. We do so many things to fend off the cold.

And for us as musicians and harp players, keeping warm – especially our fingers – is so important.

You are designed to keep yourself warm and one way to do that is to close down circulation to your appendages – your hands and feet and specifically your fingers and toes. Of course, you also may get cold hands and feet when you’re practicing because you are focused and sitting still which does not encourage circulation to your extremities.Being able to feel your fingers is so very helpful when playing! With impeded (or vacated) tactile sensation, you must look at the strings to continue playing. You also lose cues as to what you’ve played, where you are, where you are going. You may find that you can’t manage the harp very well – you may not know until after the string has sounded if you played fortissimo or piano, legato or staccato – or if you even played the string at all! Being cold will require you to use all your senses, even to get through tunes you know cold (pun intended).

So, how can you keep warm, since Winter is Coming…

  1. Do not book outdoor gigs. Even Florida has winter! When the temperature dips below 55o you will be clumsy and less able to feel your fingers. Personally, I set the threshold at 65o so that I am warmer and there is no worry about being too cold once I start playing. Spring and summer and even early autumn may be fine, but winter is right out. Make it part of your contract so that there are no questions.  Just don’t.
  2. Dress warmly. If your core and head are warm, your body will have less need to divert blood to your core, which will keep the capillaries in your fingers (and toes) open – and warmer. As you may have heard as a youngster, “Put on a sweater, I’m cold” – if you need to, designate a “practice sweater”.  And have a scarf ready in case you need it to ward off chill.
  3. Plan breaks in your practice time. I’m sure you already do this, but in colder weather, take more frequent breaks. Be sure to move and stretch. Wiggle your fingers. Get up from the bench and walk around a little. If you are thinking, “just a little longer, I’ll practice just a little longer” stop and take a break.
  4. Wear fingerless gloves or wrist warmers. Ok, this is standard advice, but I don’t use these, because, usually my wrists are inside my shirt and sweater sleeves and they are already warm. It’s my fingers – the parts not covered in fingerless gloves – that are cold! So, I don’t find these helpful.  However, I know loads of people who love them, swear by them, and wear them. They’re definitely worth a try.
  5. Turn up the heat. I’m a cheapskate but even I turn up the heat when it’s practice time. Because otherwise I just waste my time (being cold). Even more thrifty and parsimonious than I am? Sit in a window and let the sun do its thing (but be sure to move your harp out of the sunlight when you’re through).
  6. Invite friction. If you start to lose feeling in your fingers, rub your hands together for a little friction warmth. This will give you a little more feeling of warmth. And if you’re smart about it – it will double as a light hand massage!

These things will allow help you keep warm when playing throughout the winter. How do you keep your fingers warmer? Let me know in the comments.

Overcoming Anxiety – Seven ways to make it through the holidays

The upside to this time of year is that there are plenty of opportunities to perform. E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e wants harp music at the holidays. Sometimes they even expect to pay for it!

The downside to this time of year is that there are plenty of opportunities to perform. So, your anxiety may be ratcheted up, and if you’re working a lot, it might stay up there.

A little anxiety is good for you and actually improves your performance. But sometimes, it gangs up on you or you have trouble controlling it. So, how do you overcome that anxiety?

  1. Do not deny it. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. In fact, you could embrace it. What you don’t want to do is tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel anxious. If you do, you do – because you’re human! NB – I am not talking here about full blown anxiety attacks or panic attacks. These are different in that they may require you to seek help, not glib advice from me (some people actually sort of enjoy the sick-to-my-stomach-how-did-I-end-up-here feeling). If you need it, don’t deny that and seek help!
  2. Breathe. No, really, breathe. Deep, belly breaths will help oxygenate you, improving your focus and clarity. And pushing that crowding fog back where it belongs.
  3. Listen to yourself. Recently, just before a gig, I was feeling anxious. Way anxious. More so than is typical. A lovely, dear friend arranged for me to have a quiet space to be alone to prepare for my concert. I was so grateful! But once I got there, I found I was becoming more anxious. I kept changing my set list and fidgeting, and despite the deep breathing, I was not settling. I went back to the crowded room where the audience was gathering – and settled down immediately! No more fluttering heart or roiling stomach. I even felt at peace! For me, the final centering and calm had been on the day before, when I could clearly think about what I wanted to do. For my dear friend, that last moment’s quiet is a godsend. What works for her nearly drove me off the deep end. Know yourself and prep your way. Need 3 cups of coffee? Ok. Yoga’s your thing? Do it. Need to look your audience in the eye and get a feel for what you need to deliver? Than do that. Be you and do your thing.
  4. Find your “why”. You said yes to the performance. Why? We all have our reasons. Know yours and keep that forefront as you perform. If you need to, write it in big letters at the top of your set list. When you get edgy – read it again.
  5. Ridiculous and Sublime. Most of us worry about performing badly, thereby embarrassing ourselves or appearing foolish. This maybe especially true if you began playing as an adult. But here’s the thing – it’s not about you. The audience is likely to have just a few thought tracks focused on either “oooh, that’s so lovely” or “I wish I could do that”. Notice how none of it is about you – it’s all about the music. So, focus on your gift to the audience – you’re sharing, and they have agreed to partake – enjoy!
  6. Name your fear. Anxiety can grow from fear (of performing poorly, of being foolish, etc.). But like a mushroom, your anxiety will grow best in a warm dark place (like your mind). So take time to identify – and name – your fear. If it helps, write it down and bring it into the cold light. Then write down your opinion of that fear, what you would tell your best friend if they expressed that fear, and what the worst possible outcomes of the fear might be. This will help you really face it – afraid you won’t be prepared? Schedule more practice. Afraid you’ll look foolish? See above. Lather rinse repeat (you can do this with other fears in your life as well).
  7. Pay attention! No really. When you’re focused on how you’re feeling anxious, you are not paying attention to the right things. Pay attention to the harp, to the music, to your technique, and to your audience. That’s a lot to focus on – but it’s what’s important. What isn’t important is the random note that came out of your harp a minute ago, or that you wish you were done, or any other casual stuff that floats out of your brain. Stay present and pay attention.

But mostly, find what works for you. What works for you for overcoming your performance anxiety? Let me know in the comments.

Give it a rest!

There are so many things we can do with our harps to make a noise – typically beautiful, but not always. And there are all the effects – from bowing the low strings to PDLT to damping to glissing – we have all kinds of ways to disturb the air and get sound.

We each spend time practicing our favorite sounds. Or those required by the score (Bernard Andres comes to mind quickly, but there are others…). We might even spend time actively seeking out new noises to make from our instruments or perfecting our technique to assure we get the effect we meant (harmonics come to mind). We work hard to get noises from our harps.

And of course, we spend a great deal of time learning to play so that we know exactly how to touch our instruments, so we get what we wanted – beautiful tone, deep, sonorous chords, compelling melodies, captivating harmonies.

But there is something else that we should practice that will enhance all this. We always let this get by us, and yet, it is often the secret sauce that really “makes” the tune. It allows the audience time to reflect. It gives you a space to think. It helps insert life into the tune. And it seems to terrify so many of us.

What is it that we’re so afraid of?

Is it a technique that is difficult to master? Nope

Is there some “signature composer” that we should have already thought of (but we haven’t)? Nope

Is it some advanced riff that only the best musicians get? Nope again.

It’s the magical, useful, and all too undervalued rest.

You know – silence.

The space b-e-t-w-e-e-n the notes. The ones you might shave in the fast tunes (which is why you end up playing faster). The ones you wish you didn’t have so many to count in ensemble. The ones that can completely make (or break) your competition air. The ones that, when used appropriately, get your audience right where you want them, in the moment, with you.

Why do you need to practice your rests? Well, mostly so you will be comfortable – with the silence. We often “clothe” ourselves in the protective wrapping of notes. We think that we will be protected if we have the notes or that we are vulnerable and exposed in the space between.

How about you turn that thinking on its head. In fact, the rests are the most free part of the melody. Rests add a strength to the harmony that the sounded notes cannot. And they give you a little bit of a breather.

You already know how to make a rest. You just don’t play (or you also damp). And you don’t play for some finite amount of time (as described by the music). You create an absence of sound. You don’t generate any sound.

Of course, as you practice a piece, you would generate a rest if required by the composer in the piece. But, there are other useful times for silences – between pieces? Under thunderous applause? When you want to get the attention of the audience?

So, how really do you get comfortable with rests? Especially the long ones. Because, contrary to popular belief, that is not time made available by the composer so you can fidget! That’s true whether it’s a 16th rest or a thousand bars of rest in an ensemble piece. No matter how long or short, you need to wait, be quiet, and be ready, but not overeager, to come in.

Short rests are relatively easy to practice because they are a direct part of the melody.  You can practice them with your metronome, just like every other element of the music.

For the longer rests, between tunes or to create a mood, here’s a suggested practice element.  This can help you become more consonant with the emptiness of the rest. Use your watch (but only sparingly).

One of the most difficult things to do is to estimate how long you have been sitting, making silence. I had the opportunity to play for a meditative event. In this playing, it is important to leave a little space for thinking, praying, and contemplation.  So, the rests become ever so much more important! A full minute is not too long to wait. I actually used my watch.

And learned something so important – when I had finished a tune and was waiting to begin the next, I had thought, “oh crikey, I better get going or they’re going to think I’ve fallen asleep.”

Watch check – 18 seconds. What?!? Only 18 seconds? It felt like a week.

I was aiming for 90 seconds. It felt like forever had gone by. Boy was I wrong!

After that, I start practicing estimating the amount of time that had passed since the end of the tune. (Reality check – to you the tune might end when you start to play the last chord, but to the audience, the tune ends when they can’t hear the lingering reverb any longer (or you complete your gesture) – which could be a while!)

My hack for estimating time – because it’s rude to check your watch over and over – is to sing the Birthday Song in my head.  It takes about 10 seconds to sing (don’t rush it just because you’re not singing aloud). I breathe. I position (and then check) my fingers when I’m ready to play again. I don’t rush. Want to leave a minute? Sing the song six times through.  To get 90 seconds sing it 9 times.

This ability to “tell time” without telling time will also make your presentation easier on your audience and on you. You can assure you leave some “breathing room” between your tunes.  When you are not in a rush, you are more present which makes your music more lifelike and fuller. And what’s not to like about that?!?

So, incorporate full rests (no shaving of note value) and waiting rests (silences between) into your playing and Give it a rest! How do you make space for the silences?

What are you afraid of?

Many of us took up the harp (or knitting, or golf, or baking, or something else) as a hobby – something we enjoy. Something that makes a pleasant way to spend time whilst also making us happy. Because these activities are fun and happifying (why yes, I did think that I had just made up that word…which made me happy, but it’s in the dictionary – it’s a real word which makes me happier still), sometimes the pleasure drives us to keep at it – allowing the activity to consume more and more of our time and other resources.

To whit
“What is the right number of harps to own?”
“One more!”

The pleasure. The fun. The happiness. The enjoyment. The drive to learn more, experience more, enjoy more – the thirst for the activity, only slaked by more of it. Ah, so sweet! Playing the harp is a most excellent hobby!

And then, someone prevails upon you to play at church, or a wedding, or a tea, or a funeral. And you agree. It’s just this one event. You’re helping someone else. You’re bringing solace, or contributing to joy, or setting an atmosphere, or creating a milieu. What fun.

And then it hits you. You’re not a performer. You’re not a pro. What have you done?!?

The safety of being an amateur falls away.

And you’re left, terrified. What will you play? Do you have enough repertoire? What if you make a mistake? W-h-y did you agree to do this?

The fear creeps in…like a freight train!

Does fear grip your joy? Does it chase away the happiness? Does the color drain from your delight?

But wait! What are you afraid of? No, really. STOP!

Identify – and name – your fears. By naming your fears (e.g. “I’ll be laughed at”, don’t name it “Harry”), you begin to hold them up to the light. To see what they actually are and to work around them. Maybe start by reminding yourself that loads of people share your fears. And no, that’s not different for you – despite you telling yourself that…just like all the other people do!

Afraid you’ll make a mistake? Some mitigations are available against this. Practice more, only play things you feel strongly confident about, create (and practice) repair points throughout the music, practice “playing through” the mistakes you make, and practice improvising on the tunes. Don’t plan to play anything shaky (do not plan to “pull it out of a hat” while performing – that very rarely goes well!). And build your program to support you – start strong, back every (relatively) weak tune with a “comforter” (a strong, well learned tune) and end strong. Practicing these things will help you feel more confident and help to fight off the fear.

Afraid you won’t be good enough? You’ll be fine – build a strong program, prepare and practice, remember it’s only one day (and that we all have good days and bad days, even your harp hero!). Remember the point of each practice session is to get a little better, stronger, more poised than the practice before. No, you’re not _____ (insert name of current harp crush), but they didn’t ask her to play their event, did they? Nope – they asked YOU! Get out of your own way and play!

Afraid of the audience? That they may laugh, or boo, or leave? Or worse, that they feel nothing. Remember that you are communicating, and they are eager to get the message! Remember too that you are giving and it is not a contest. If you intend to give, what you give will be just right to meet that intention. Also remember that while about 20% of kids (and even fewer adults) have music lessons to learn an instrument, over 80% of adults report wishing they played an instrument! They are too impressed, in awe, and/or envious to laugh or boo. [SIDE NOTE: I hope you have one of the most amazing antidotes to this – to have an audience member seek you out to tell you how much they enjoyed your music. It will make your heart swell with pleasure and pride! And before you dismiss their comments as them “just being nice”, remember this – that person so enjoyed your music that they fought their own fears to come up to you, possibly face your rejection of them(!), to share with you that you made a difference to them (sometimes effusively, sometimes haltingly) and that they are grateful. Honor that, use it build your own confidence – and DO NOT THROW IT AWAY! {Haven’t had this experience? Be patient}]

Afraid you’ll embarrass yourself? The only way to do this is to be unprepared and to not bring your best effort with you. Do the work, and don’t let the fear stop you.

What are you afraid of? Don’t be! Instead enjoy all the things you learn, feel, and share and really get into it. And don’t let fear steal your joy – just enjoy.

Do you get fearful when you sign up to perform? How do you go about getting past it? Was it worth it? Let me know in the comments!

Holiday preparation – bringing order to order

There is no need for chaos if you have been preparing for the holidays…which begin next week!  Especially for us playing events for all the winter celebrations (ok, they’re almost all actually in the autumn, but who am I to fight Madison Avenue?!).  So your preparation should be nearly done.

  • You’ve learned new music
  • You’ve repolished old tunes and recyclable music
  • You haven’t dropped you regular repertoire
  • You’ve stocked and checked your gig bag (and maybe given it a trial run to be sure it works for you?)

So, what’s left to do?  Well, three more things:

  1. Make a “Day of” checklist so you don’t forget anything.  Put “stupid” stuff on it. Yes, put HARP on the list – at some point you will forget to put it in the car!
  2. Make a set list – be sure to mix up tempos, time signatures, and this time of year, mix up holiday and “regular” music – by the middle of next month your audience will be getting fatigued of “All Christmas, All the time”!
  3. Practice your set list.  This will help you get comfortable with the transitions between tunes (yes, it can be jarring to go from 4/4 to 6/8 so practice that so you can do it smoothly).  This will also help you find what is not working well.  Record it to hear what the audience will experience. And revise as needed.  Also practice breathing, at least between tunes and adding a little space (for both background and feature gigs – silence adds a lot to the rest of the sounds you’re making!).

With all this, you’ll be ready – Holidays will start as the last “ding-dong, Trick or Treat” fades out – be ready!

Holiday Preparation – it’s in the Planner!

I have a terrible time keeping track of calendar events. I have an electronic calendar but I really rely on my old fashioned paper planner. And on more than one occasion, that planner has saved me from making mistakes. No matter what the form, having a planner just helps us feel more organized. With the holidays rapidly approaching, what should you put in your planner to be ready for holiday events?

Here’s what I have in mine:

  • The contract
  • An Event Questionnaire (that makes sure I ask all the right questions – where? what? When? Who? Anything special or specific)
  • A “Countdown” to the event (especially important if I have to learn a specific piece of music for the event)
  • Reminders
  • Other activities (when to write the set list, when to touch base with the event point of contact, when to receive the balance due, etc.)
  • “Stuff of life” (don’t offer to help move furniture or do other heavy lifting the day before a big gig!)

All of this helps to contain stress, manage expectations, be prepared, be professional, and stay pulled together.  With the holidays right ‘round the corner, your planner can help you stay sane, focused and calm – just what clients expect!

Holiday Prep is in the Bag!

Many of you have asked me what I carry in my gig bag – especially since you’ve never seen it.

You’ve never seen it because it doesn’t exist!  It’s not that I don’t prepare to go – it’s that I have a minimal bag and I keep everything in the pocket of my case.

But, let’s think about what you should carry – even if your gig is playing for your cat.  It bears thinking about where you are playing, what the event is, and your level of comfort. I do have a small gig bag because I don’t typically take a lot of things many other people consider essential.

I have all my music in my head so I don’t carry a binder of music or an ipad – just a sheet of paper with a list of tunes (and sometimes lever settings, if I’m feeling less confident). I also carry:

  • Strings
  • Tuner (electronic and fork)
  • Tuning key
  • Event Contract/information
  • Amp+cables (if needed – see event and venue above).

Others are more comfortable knowing that they have everything they need, no matter the circumstance. One of my closest friends has a tool bag – it’s the size of a roll aboard suitcase! But it has everything she needs. She plays a very different repertoire and has had a lot of experience (which is code for bad stuff happening). So her bag includes all of those things as well as:

  • Back up tuner
  • Batteries (for tuner)
  • Stand lamp
  • Backup stand lamp
  • Music binder
  • Backup music binder
  • Clothes pins (for windy days)
  • Headband, barrettes, hair elastics (also for windy days)
  • Extension cord
  • Multi-plug surge protector
  • Make up
  • Folding music stand (back up to the Manhassett which doesn’t fit into the bag)
  • Tuning key
  • Spare tuning key
  • Umbrella
  • Tarp
  • Note pad

And we both also bring:

  • Business Cards
  • Snacks
  • Water Bottle
  • Shoes (it’s hard to haul your harp in shoes that are appropriate for the event)

We each look at the other’s gig bag and laugh. But our solutions work. Hopefully they give you a good start on deciding what you should carry in yours for the Holiday Season…something that helps you feel settled and ready for each time you play.

Is it a Maybe?

So, here we are, about ¾ of the way through the year. Everyone’s back to school and the holidays are fast approaching. By now, hopefully, you’ve sorted out your yes’s and no’s. The next question is do you have your maybe’s?

Perhaps the biggest maybe at this time of year is related to the goals you set for yourself. So maybe it is a good time to review them. How are you coming? Do you need to tweak any? Do you know?

This is where that journal comes in handy – it’s a good time to review your notes to see if you are getting where you wanted to go. If not, can you see what you need to work on?  Do you need to:

  • Rededicate your practice time
  • Actually practice
  • Reprioritize your practice time
  • Actively schedule elements of practice
  • Review your goals to make sure they are realistic for your real life
  • Examine your journal to have a better idea how it’s going so you can continue to meet your goals

Are you getting there? Maybe part of the way?  Maybe isn’t bad at all – as long as you mean it!

Just Say NO!

After at least a week of saying “Yes!” perhaps it’s also time to start saying “NO!”

No can be so negative but sometimes it’s the best answer to allow you to hang onto your sanity! Or to make progress toward your goals.  I will always encourage you to stretch – to do things that are a little scary or uncomfortable. This is because typically these things only l-o-o-k scary but are actually a lot of fun once you break through.

But some things are scary for good reason. They are better avoided – a stretch piece that is a huge stretch, a stretch piece with an unreasonable or unrealistic deadline, something you just really do not want to do (or don’t agree with doing), something that will just add the straw that broke the camel’s back to your schedule.

Here are some things it might be helpful to say “NO!” to:

  • Weddings – if you don’t like to be stressed, don’t book weddings! Only do them if you feel confident – otherwise they will chip away at your confidence and possibly your self-esteem.
  • Short notice gigs – if you don’t have regular practice time in on your repertoire, you will not be ready at the drop of a hat.  So don’t do that to yourself. Only book gigs for which you can be confidently and competently prepared.
  • Music you’re not interested in – now, I’m not saying don’t experience new things but this music is also typically music you don’t know (so you won’t have tricks up your sleeve for dealing with not being rock solid on the tunes).  Or it’s music you haven’t worked with (so you’re likely not solid and confident).  And this is often coupled with short notice and/or weddings!
  • Only playing for the cat and the curtains – Get over yourself! No one plays perfectly and you never will either. The only way to get better at playing for people is to do it. You know – to practice doing it by doing it. The longer you put it off, the more you tell yourself you’ll do it later, the harder it will get. So get out there.

Say no to anything that will require more preparation than you will be able to devote. If you are only able to practice 30 minutes a day, don’t even think you’ll be able to take on a challenge and succeed (Carol of the Bells from scratch in 2 weeks? Ha, don’t even). You will be stressed and unprepared and miserable.

Practice saying No at the right times so you are ready to say Yes as appropriate.  And if you’re knocking yourself down (over these or anything else) – Definitely Just Say No!