Jenius Creations

Category: Caring for yourself

  • We’re all made of Stories – The Comparison Trap

    We humans observe…and then compare. We are always collecting data about the world around us,  analyzing it, and then selecting a winner.  We have a classification scheme for winners and not winners – so we see where we rank in there.

    This comparison trap is insidious in two ways. It assumes that you are an unbiased (and knowledgeable) arbiter of truth and it rarely takes context into account.

    And typically, when we make comparisons, we find ourselves wanting.

    Finding yourself wanting is not motivating.

    Are you a “Fair Witness” *?  Are you certain that you are qualified to critique the performance of others relative to your own? And can you say, perhaps with more certainty, that you are qualified to evaluate your own performance – clear eyed and unbiased? Are you a Fair Witness to yourself that you can only report the truth with no trace of bias? Likely not – you have a vested interest in the outcome, so be honest about your ability to assess.

    I just learned that my sister writes poetry. I learned this while thumbing through an anthology in which she is published! This very clearly highlighted the second point of context. You very rarely have insight into the context of others (even in a close relationship). Even though we are all made of stories – we don’t tell them all to everyone. And there are some we tell no one. In addition, many have no insight into the context of themselves, much less that of others. And even if you know someone, you might not have an accurate view of their context.

    On occasion, you’ll hear someone “praise” another by stating baldly that playing the harp comes easily to (another). I find this both horrifying and irritating.  You might think you should be delighted to receive what might be meant as a compliment.  But because you have worked quite hard to be where you are, and even if you give the illusion that it comes easily, you might rather be annoyed that someone has discounted all that hard work.  When you compare your own playing to someone else’s (or someone compares themselves to you), you never know the entire context – where they are, what is happening, or how your comparison may upset them. By the same token you may not be fully aware of how things affect you and impact your own playing.

    As the trope goes (did you know that “trope” originated as a music term?) Comparison is the thief of joy.  Why do we make comparisons?  Because we’re good at it.  We are quite adept at making pairwise comparisons (choosing a preference between two options). There are entire lines of research built on these comparisons – we’re that good at making them! But in this case, our strength (comparison) is a real weakness – because, you don’t have to pick! Someone else can be good and you are still too!

    In addition, comparing yourself to someone else is more likely to make you feel bad than to make you play better (and you can see how that’s not helpful – the comparison makes you feel bad, so you’re not motivated to practice, so you do not become better (and may lose ground), which makes you not play as well the next time you’re with others and your comparison results in your poorer showing – etc.…you can see how that’s a downward spiral of not very helpful).

    At a recent workshop I overheard a relatively new harper wistfully comment, “I’ll never play as well as (insert significantly experienced, p-r-o-f-e-s-s-i-o-n-a-l harp player here).” ** Well, DUH! Of course you don’t!  You’ve been playing the harp for 10 minutes and they’ve played for 20/30/40 years. You dabble, fit it in, get to it when you can, as a hobby. That person is a pro – it’s their job! And they are seasoned, they work at it – you know, for hours – every day. And they are absorbed in multiple aspects of being a musician, not just the practicing for 20 minutes when they can!

    Of course you don’t play at the same level! When I overhear this, I am always tempted to ask, “Do you w-a-n-t to play at that level? Or do you just wish you played at that level?” Big difference! (of course, the start of the difference is – you know what I’m going to say – practice!)

    Do you say to every Dentist or Auto Mechanic you meet, “oh, I wish I pulled teeth or rebuilt transmissions as well as you”? Bah! No, you don’t, so why do you do that with harpers? (and if you do, stop, you’re creeping people out!).

    But how can you escape the Trap and emerge solid in your own story (and possibly helping other people grow fully into their own stories)?

    Be honest – and clear – about where you are and where the other person is (and the path from here to there). And be frank about your willingness to take that same path (or not)!

    Be content, but not complacent – You are where you have gotten. You are not your harp hero. But you might be someone else’s (did you ever think about that?). So kindly and gently encourage yourself to continue to work and grow. You already know that it is work to continue – but it’s fun work! And there’s no deadline, so just keep at it.

    Be analytical (but only part of the time) – note how much you have grown as a harp player. No, really note – be aware. At one point you hadn’t even touched a harp – and look at you now! One of the reasons I’m always exhorting you to keep a journal of your practice is so that you record (and therefore don’t forget and can review) your small, “every day” successes! Because those small accomplishments are what matter.

    Be-YOU-tiful (stolen from a tea towel!) – you are amazing! Be that.  You have strengths and weaknesses – just like everyone else. Celebrate your strengths. Be mindful of your weaknesses. Work on those weaknesses you want to be stronger at, set up systems to support the ones you know need work (but are still working on), and forget the rest. If you have to, turn your picture upside down so the weaknesses are in fine print at the bottom rather than in headlines at the top of your page.

    There is one comparison that does matter – how are you now relative to you previously? Are you growing? Are you becoming the you that you want to be (not wish – but want). Do your thing. Let everyone else worry about being them. Do you have another way of keeping your thief of joy in check? Share that in the comments!

     

    * If you haven’t read this, you might enjoy it – at your local library or at online
    **I have no problem making this claim since I hear this at nearly every workshop I attend.

  • Let the sun shine!

    It’s early March and so here in the US, whether you agree or not, it’s time to set the clocks ahead – it’s Daylight Saving Time. Yea.

    It’s not really all that bad. It does lead to “longer” days, in that, while the sun is up as long as it is going to be each day, the clock pushes us to use more of it awake. So it feels like we have more daylight than we do. So then the question is – what are you going to do with all that sunlight?

    Well, you could use it to play your harp more! And like anything – there are bad things but also good things about moving the clocks to take advantage of the sun.

    What are the bad things?

    You have to get used to it. Your body is not wired to make these jolting shifts and it might take you a little time to adjust. If you don’t want to experience a wrenching difference, you could take a few days to prepare yourself – go to bed, eat, and go for a walk 15 minutes early each day from now until Sunday – that will help ease you into it. If you can’t work this shift into your schedule, at a minimum, keep to your current schedule so that you are only adapting to one hour change (sort of like jet lag!).

    Everyone’s health takes a ding. Research has shown that there are more of all kinds of accidents – car, industrial, just being dumb. But also there are more heart attacks and strokes for the first week of the time change – so take care of you! Eat carefully, sleep, and take a little exercise (use all that extra daylight to go for a walk!).

    Then add your harp into the mix! Now you can look at the good things –

    First, acknowledge that although the time change can be a bother, you will adjust in just a few days. So cut yourself some slack. Be nice to you – don’t do a lot of forced or concentrated practice. Instead, just play and allow the sound energy to envelop you – all that vibroacousticness might help you adapt (well – it can’t hurt!).

    After the first week of adaptation – you’ll be ready to use all that glorious sunlight to be more energetic – you can apply that energy to your practicing. Practice in natural sunlight. Go outside (as I write this, it’s about 20oF so that idea might have to wait!) or open the curtains and play in the window.  Just take the opportunity to enjoy the sunshine!

    You can let the beautiful lengthening days be an inspiration – make music, play music, share it with others! Can you compose an improvisation of the day, the transition from night to day or from day to night? It’s in you – let it out!

    You may enjoy playing more. Sunlight helps combat any kind of “blahs”, so if you layer that over the joy you get from playing – you’ll be nearly euphoric. Keep that up for the eight months of DST and you’ll be…happier? Probably!

    You’ll have more time to practice. Of course you won’t. But you’ll feel like you do. When the day is unending – you can practice in the morning, in the middle of the day, and in the evening and still have loads of day remaining.

    So there are good things about changing the time for the spring. Layer that on top of the gentle flow of time here on earth, longer days, warmer days, an uptick in harp events everywhere (!) and it just doesn’t seem so bad. Spend a little time preparing this week and you’ll have eight months of enjoyment (before we have to get ready to go back again in November!).

     

    PS – I’m trying to mix it up with the graphics – let me know what you think!  Leave a comment below –

  • Baby, It’s Dry Outside! 8 ways to take care of your skin so your hands can keep playing

    No matter where you live, no matter how arctic or temperate, winter tends to be drier than the other seasons. And it’s easy to tell that when you look at your hands.  In case it had escaped you, you use those hands a lot when playing the harp. So, keeping them in good shape is a good idea!

    Problem is, you use your hands for so many things, it’s easy to look at them and not see them. Who really checks them every day for wear and tear? I get it – we’re busy. We wash our hands, we see them. We decorate them with rings and bracelets. But how often do you really look at them? Your hands are like that – or more specifically, the skin on your hands is like that.

    It’s easy to take your skin for granted. So, it’s time to add caring for the skin on your hands to your things to do list!

    It’s winter, so the air is dry. And it’s cold and flu season, so you’re washing your hands a lot. Frequent hand washing strips the natural oils from your skin, leaving it dry and flaky. Of course, this dryness also gets more likely as your get older. If you let it go long enough, it is possible that your skin will become so dry and tight that it impacts your playing – yikes!

    What happens? Well, you already know your skin can become dry from the dry indoor (and outdoor) air, but healthy habits can also impact your hands badly. The water and soap from hand washing – both of which draw the oils away – lead to drying. And the drying after the hand washing can be a problem. Air driers blow warm, dry air at your hands and towels (including paper towels) can also “rough up” your hands (leading to chapping). Left untended, after all these assaults (albeit healthy assaults), your skin may become dry enough to feel tight, flaky, rough and it might even split or crack.

    Splitting and cracking is bad for a number of reasons – it hurts and leaves your fingers sore. Sometimes you’ll also get bleeding – and no one wants that. Perhaps the worst part is that your skin is part of your immune system and these cracks and splits leave your open to infection.

    So, what can you do? You can’t really take the entire winter off (ok, you could but that wouldn’t be fun!). Here are 8 ideas you can pick and choose from to improve the state of your skin throughout the winter. Many of these are basic maintenance and some are downright pampering. But caring for your hands will be good for your health and for your harping!*

    1. Hydrate! This is a good place to start. Because the air is so dry in the winter, you need to drink more water – or at least drink enough water. You can use your favorite rule of thumb (8 glasses, half your body weight, or “drink when you’re thirsty”!).
    2. Moisturize. You might think this goes without saying, but say it anyway! Use your favorite moisturizer – but use it! And remember that the skin on your hands is different in different places on your hands. Lay it on thick on the backs of your hands, get your fingertips, but maybe the palms don’t need as much of a slather? Put it where you need it. And use the product that works best for you – there are loads to choose from.
    3. White Glove Treatment. If you are having trouble keeping your hands moisturized, this works overnight! Wash your hands, leave them damp, slather on “too much” moisturizer (this is a good time to use an emollient rather than regular moisturizer), slip on plain cotton gloves and go to bed!  Plain white cotton gloves are available on line and are inexpensive. This keeps your hands warm and traps body heat which seems to help the moisturizer “get in”. Caveats – you’ll feel ridiculous (especially if you have a roomie) and you will feel much warmer than you would otherwise while in bed (so layer your blankets accordingly).
    4. The Black Glove Treatment. Keep gloves in the pockets of all your coats – and wear them! I buy the cheapy Walmart ones that come in packs of three and look like they won’t fit a toddler but magically grow to be the right size when you put them on. They have all the qualities you need – they are inexpensive enough to have a lot of them so if you lose them, it doesn’t matter much (they’re like $1.25 a pair), they come in colors so they go with everything, and if it’s really really cold, you can wear two pairs). I have gloves in all my coat pockets, in the pocket of my harp case, in my gig bag, in my car, in my purse, and anywhere else I happen to stash them. Like the white glove treatment, they keep your hands warm which seems to help the moisturizer be more effective and just protects your skin in general.
    5. Take care of your nails. Not only do you need to keep your nails trimmed and filed to play, but you can also apply oil to the nail beds to keep your cuticles supple. There are fancy nail oils but Vitamin E oil or plain ol’ olive oil also works (you could combine this with the White Glove Treatment – and not get oil all over the place!).
    6. Keep your hands clean, but…. You do, of course, need to wash your hands frequently. But warm water will do – it doesn’t need to be so hot you can barely stand it! If you can, use liquid soaps. And when drying – just get to damp rather than completely dry. Then apply moisturizer. If possible, try to avoid hand sanitizer (which is typically made with alcohol – don’t believe me? Use it when your hands are chapped, and you’ll find all the little cracks you didn’t know where on your hands – ouch! Ask me how I know!). If you’re working in hospitals and health care environments, they often use a hand sanitizer that is not alcohol based. Of course, patient health is a priority, but still, you need to take care of you.
    7. Get a manicure! This is a little luxury! And while a good manicurist will leave you feeling heavenly (!), you can also do this at home for yourself. Just be sure you do all the steps on all of your hand! Don’t leave out the massage. One big advantage of having a professional manicure is adding the paraffin dip which is really lovely and softening!
    8. Deal with it. If you have cracks or splits – deal with them quickly to heal faster and to avoid infection. Use an antibacterial treatment (often typically carried in an emollient – so a two-fer!) and cover with a bandage (to protect it and to keep the antibacterial in place). If you have a gig and must play, many swear by the liquid bandage products or superglue. These hold the crack closed and will certainly make it easier to play – just be sure to try this out b-e-f-o-r-e you try to play any kind of gig, so you’ll know what works for you (but it is definitely easier than a bandage when you play the strings!).

    It’s never too late to treat your hands well. Even if you’re a cracked, bleeding, sore mess – your hands will respond to a little TLC very quickly. Don’t wait! Do it today. Don’t have visibly dry hands? Build the habit now – before you need to. These small steps will certainly keep you playing comfortably throughout the cold dry months.  What is in your daily routine? Do you have other great solutions you can share with the rest of us? Leave it in the comments below!

    *As always, these are suggestions from my experience.  I am not a health care professional nor am I a manicurist or other professional who professionally knows this stuff.   If you have a health concern, see your qualified medical practitioner.  And if
    you know something that works well – let me know – I’m always looking for good solutions!

  • Planning ahead – for the Somer(set)

    I’m very excited to share that I will be teaching at this year’s Somerset Folk Harp Festival in Parsippany NJ!   I’ll be presenting a workshop on my own.  And even better – I’ll also be co-teaching another workshop with Donna Bennett! It just gets better and better – two workshops!  Yea!! There will be more than 100 workshops and I’ll be in great company with an amazing pantheon of presenters!

    In case you have missed it, the Somerset Folk Harp Festival is amazing. It is a 4-day conference that celebrates diversity in music, as well as the talent and experience of the folk harp world. It provides a great opportunity to do what you need to move forward, whether that is to focus on one type of music, or to solidify specific skills, or try out something new. There are opportunities to learn new things in every–single–session! And the Exhibit Hall – yikes! It’s jammed with harps and music and accessories and stuff and more stuff…so much harp shopping in one room!

    The festival begins on Thursday and runs through to Sunday. I will be teaching Friday afternoon. First up is a workshop called Sounding Scottish from 1:30 – 3pm. This will be a hands-on workshop, for all levels of play. We’ll be working and learning by ear. And yes (don’t worry), there will be paper too! Here’s the write up so you know what you’re getting into:

    Love Scottish music? Wondering how to make your tunes sound more Scottish? Scotland has captivated people for hundreds of years and inspired composers, artists, and authors. In this workshop you will learn specific elements and techniques to ensure your tunes sound Scottish. Jen will teach tunes to apply and practice those techniques and use images, video, language, sounds, geography, myths and legends of Scotland as muses to provide inspiration for your own take on the music.

    And then, in the very next workshop session, Friday from 3:30-5pm, I will be working and teaching with Donna! This will be so much fun!! We’ll be teaching Creativity Tools to Improve Practice & Performance. This is also an all levels (including companions!) hands-on workshop exploring your creativity – and you know we are all creative, so bring on the companions! Here’s what you’ll find in the workshop description on the website:

    In this workshop, you will learn the skills, tools, and techniques that bring the creativity secret to your work as a musician or a teacher. Find out how to actively apply creativity tools and techniques to improve your personal work processes and your overall approach to harping. These tools can prepare you for projects and gigs, regardless of your level of accomplishment or years of experience. Jen and Donna will give you techniques to help generate better ideas and expand your arrangements and repertoire without adding to your learning load.

    If you haven’t looked yet, the hotel is already available and there is a lot of information already available on the Somerset website. You can also register at the early bird rate until 1 May (which is a really good approach – not only do you get a lower rate, you get your summer planned!). The registration includes all the workshops you can fit into your day, entry to the Exhibit Hall (otherwise known as Harp Shopping Nirvana), tickets to the concerts (where you will see and hear Harp players you probably always wanted to see in concert). If you can’t make it to all four days, you can register for individual days too (Kathy has thought of everything!). To register, you can go here.

    I hope you’ll come along to the Festival – and come to my workshop! Will I see you there?  If so, let me know in the comments below. Hope I see you there –

  • Are you happy with 2018?

    The end of the year is drawing near. With only two weeks remaining, are you happy with your harp year 2018?

    In January, I suggested you keep a diary, build an I-love-me board, and/or record yourself. Did you get a chance to start these?

    If you did – it’s time to pull them out (and likely dust them off – it’s ok if you lost motivation in the middle of the year – it happens). Look through your artifacts. What you collected there will help you continue to grow and develop into the coming year. You can review your diary entries or your continued additions to your I-love-me to see what worked and what didn’t. And by worked, I mean what worked for you. The point of the diary, the I-love-me, and the recording is to give you a means to review where you were, where you are, and to determine how they line up with where you are going (or where you think you’re going or where you thought you meant to be going).

    No pillorying yourself! No harsh critique. No judgmental condemnation. Just a review of how you spent your time and if it served to get you where you were headed. Take the time to thoughtfully review your documentation. Did you practice the technique things you needed to so that you could play that dream piece? Did you practice enough? Did you practice regularly? Can you identify patterns of good (or bad) things that you spent your time and energy on? With this information you can continue to move forward – wherever you’d like to go!

    If you didn’t (or if you started but got sidetracked by, like January 3rd) – why? What about the methods I suggested didn’t do it for you? There’s gold in the answers – because these are only three ways to capture your continued development. If they didn’t work for you – can you tell me why they didn’t work and what would work better – for you? Did you use another method? What was it?

    Remember, the idea is to know where you’re trying to get to (to master some particular technique, to play a particular piece, to be able to play a tune at a particular tempo, etc.) and to make slow, small, accurate, continuous progress. And to avoid getting sucked down a rabbit hole (of a particular gig, something that’s giving your trouble, your regular life, whatever) and thereby getting derailed.

    How did you monitor yourself this year? Did it work? What would work better? Enquiring minds want to know – so share in the comments!

  • Winter is coming…..

    It’s solidly December – and nearly winter. And with that we’ll have the continuing cold that feels as though it will never end. Ever. Never. (If you’re near me on the US Eastern Seaboard, you know that hard to believe, since it’s been so cold already!)

    We seek warmth – Cups of tea.  Mugs of coffee. Fireplaces. Sweaters, coats, scarves, socks. We do so many things to fend off the cold.

    And for us as musicians and harp players, keeping warm – especially our fingers – is so important.

    You are designed to keep yourself warm and one way to do that is to close down circulation to your appendages – your hands and feet and specifically your fingers and toes. Of course, you also may get cold hands and feet when you’re practicing because you are focused and sitting still which does not encourage circulation to your extremities.Being able to feel your fingers is so very helpful when playing! With impeded (or vacated) tactile sensation, you must look at the strings to continue playing. You also lose cues as to what you’ve played, where you are, where you are going. You may find that you can’t manage the harp very well – you may not know until after the string has sounded if you played fortissimo or piano, legato or staccato – or if you even played the string at all! Being cold will require you to use all your senses, even to get through tunes you know cold (pun intended).

    So, how can you keep warm, since Winter is Coming…

    1. Do not book outdoor gigs. Even Florida has winter! When the temperature dips below 55o you will be clumsy and less able to feel your fingers. Personally, I set the threshold at 65o so that I am warmer and there is no worry about being too cold once I start playing. Spring and summer and even early autumn may be fine, but winter is right out. Make it part of your contract so that there are no questions.  Just don’t.
    2. Dress warmly. If your core and head are warm, your body will have less need to divert blood to your core, which will keep the capillaries in your fingers (and toes) open – and warmer. As you may have heard as a youngster, “Put on a sweater, I’m cold” – if you need to, designate a “practice sweater”.  And have a scarf ready in case you need it to ward off chill.
    3. Plan breaks in your practice time. I’m sure you already do this, but in colder weather, take more frequent breaks. Be sure to move and stretch. Wiggle your fingers. Get up from the bench and walk around a little. If you are thinking, “just a little longer, I’ll practice just a little longer” stop and take a break.
    4. Wear fingerless gloves or wrist warmers. Ok, this is standard advice, but I don’t use these, because, usually my wrists are inside my shirt and sweater sleeves and they are already warm. It’s my fingers – the parts not covered in fingerless gloves – that are cold! So, I don’t find these helpful.  However, I know loads of people who love them, swear by them, and wear them. They’re definitely worth a try.
    5. Turn up the heat. I’m a cheapskate but even I turn up the heat when it’s practice time. Because otherwise I just waste my time (being cold). Even more thrifty and parsimonious than I am? Sit in a window and let the sun do its thing (but be sure to move your harp out of the sunlight when you’re through).
    6. Invite friction. If you start to lose feeling in your fingers, rub your hands together for a little friction warmth. This will give you a little more feeling of warmth. And if you’re smart about it – it will double as a light hand massage!

    These things will allow help you keep warm when playing throughout the winter. How do you keep your fingers warmer? Let me know in the comments.

  • When you fall –

    I heard a very interesting story on the blahblahblah radio station* as I was traveling home from a delightful trip to the Stone Mountain Highland Games in Atlanta (always fun – and so very pleased to have been invited to judge the competition, to teach a workshop, and to perform!).

    The story on the radio related that there will be a marathon runner in this year’s Marine Corps Marathon 10K (which, for any couch potatoes in the crowd, is nearly 6¼ miles!). What made it interesting is that the runner is retired US Army Master Sargent Cedric King, who stepped on a large explosive while in Afghanistan, losing both of his legs.

    As you might have guessed, he had a hard row to hoe making a comeback from that. But he did.  And now he’s a distance runner. What he said in the interview really struck me – from the beginning when he said that this event – and its outcome – are what made his life take a turn for the best.

    Yikes, I am relentlessly upbeat, but even I am awed by that attitude!

    In the interview, he said some things that I thought are important and applicable to us. Now, I don’t in any way, equate the challenges we have as we try to learn, master, and perform our music with all the things Master Sargent King went through. However, he has an inner strength and a focus that could help anyone become better at anything they chose to focus on. Here are my take-aways (I was driving, so I couldn’t really take notes, these are my impressions rather than quotes!).

    1. Master Sargent King pointed out that when you have a long way to go, focus on getting through the next step, not the next mile. We often become overwhelmed by the sheer volume of ink on the page or the vast amount of sound in the air when we’re trying to learn a tune. Or the idea of putting together an entire package of music (for competition, for a gig, for the next lesson) can be crushing. But if you remember, production of music is serial – you can’t rush listening, it can only go in the way your ears take it, one note at a time.  You can work on it one thing at a time.  The next step, and only the next step, will get you there. It is good to keep the end in mind, but you can only get there in small, individual, steps.  No one gets there in one step, unless they have musical seven-league boots!
    2. He also pointed out that when you have to recover, you might have to relearn things you’ve been doing for years.  So what?  No need to be embarrassed.  So you have to relearn those things – get to it (and it will get easier). This is a toughie – because we all want to avoid embarrassment. And while we typically don’t actually fall when we’re doing our work, we can metaphorically fall (although, I have actually fallen off the bench before – not pretty, and very embarrassing!). I think of this with two kinds of “falls” – the first is when we have allowed bad habits to worm their way in and we need to “break it down”, go back to the basics, unlearn our bad habits and relearn better approaches – whether to be faster, more accurate, or to avoid pain and injury. It is disheartening, but if we pay attention to our “recovery time” we’d see that it’s not that bad. The second kind of fall is when we are self-taught or have had less rigorous instruction (you can’t blame the teacher if you left before you had learned all that teacher had to share) and you realize that despite your advanced harp years or experience, you don’t know how to perform basic elements (Did you know how to do an arpeggio accurately? Not everyone learned that). In that instance, you have to seek instruction and share with someone that you need help learning (whatever) “basic” element that you haven’t already learned. Embarrassing, but not fatal – go, get the help you need to learn when you need to learn and move on.
    3. Mr. King talked about getting right back up, don’t spend any time down.  When you fall, get right back up, don’t pause, don’t rest, don’t think about it, just get up and get at it! Again, I wouldn’t say that our “falling” is nearly as challenging as his, but we all have something that intimidates us. His point is that if you fall, get right back up because every moment that you stay down makes it harder to get up.  Wait too long and you’ll be on the floor permanently. Don’t let the mistake in your student recital, the flawed execution at Harp Circle, or the lengthy comments after your competition set keep you on the floor. In fact, if you haven’t failed, you’re probably not trying! So, get up, dust off, review what happened, learn, apply and move on. If you get up every time, you’ve got this!

    Remember that everything around you is likely to have an application to your harp life – just listen – and be grateful. Your struggle for flawless scales is nothing compared to recovering from a life altering injury. But your attitude will certainly make it go easier. Have you fallen? How did you get up and get moving? Let me know in the comments!

    * you can read the whole story at https://wtop.com/marine-corps-marathon/2018/10/marine-corps-marathon-before-he-could-run-this-soldier-had-to-learn-to-walk-again/slide/1/

     

  • What are you afraid of?

    Many of us took up the harp (or knitting, or golf, or baking, or something else) as a hobby – something we enjoy. Something that makes a pleasant way to spend time whilst also making us happy. Because these activities are fun and happifying (why yes, I did think that I had just made up that word…which made me happy, but it’s in the dictionary – it’s a real word which makes me happier still), sometimes the pleasure drives us to keep at it – allowing the activity to consume more and more of our time and other resources.

    To whit
    “What is the right number of harps to own?”
    “One more!”

    The pleasure. The fun. The happiness. The enjoyment. The drive to learn more, experience more, enjoy more – the thirst for the activity, only slaked by more of it. Ah, so sweet! Playing the harp is a most excellent hobby!

    And then, someone prevails upon you to play at church, or a wedding, or a tea, or a funeral. And you agree. It’s just this one event. You’re helping someone else. You’re bringing solace, or contributing to joy, or setting an atmosphere, or creating a milieu. What fun.

    And then it hits you. You’re not a performer. You’re not a pro. What have you done?!?

    The safety of being an amateur falls away.

    And you’re left, terrified. What will you play? Do you have enough repertoire? What if you make a mistake? W-h-y did you agree to do this?

    The fear creeps in…like a freight train!

    Does fear grip your joy? Does it chase away the happiness? Does the color drain from your delight?

    But wait! What are you afraid of? No, really. STOP!

    Identify – and name – your fears. By naming your fears (e.g. “I’ll be laughed at”, don’t name it “Harry”), you begin to hold them up to the light. To see what they actually are and to work around them. Maybe start by reminding yourself that loads of people share your fears. And no, that’s not different for you – despite you telling yourself that…just like all the other people do!

    Afraid you’ll make a mistake? Some mitigations are available against this. Practice more, only play things you feel strongly confident about, create (and practice) repair points throughout the music, practice “playing through” the mistakes you make, and practice improvising on the tunes. Don’t plan to play anything shaky (do not plan to “pull it out of a hat” while performing – that very rarely goes well!). And build your program to support you – start strong, back every (relatively) weak tune with a “comforter” (a strong, well learned tune) and end strong. Practicing these things will help you feel more confident and help to fight off the fear.

    Afraid you won’t be good enough? You’ll be fine – build a strong program, prepare and practice, remember it’s only one day (and that we all have good days and bad days, even your harp hero!). Remember the point of each practice session is to get a little better, stronger, more poised than the practice before. No, you’re not _____ (insert name of current harp crush), but they didn’t ask her to play their event, did they? Nope – they asked YOU! Get out of your own way and play!

    Afraid of the audience? That they may laugh, or boo, or leave? Or worse, that they feel nothing. Remember that you are communicating, and they are eager to get the message! Remember too that you are giving and it is not a contest. If you intend to give, what you give will be just right to meet that intention. Also remember that while about 20% of kids (and even fewer adults) have music lessons to learn an instrument, over 80% of adults report wishing they played an instrument! They are too impressed, in awe, and/or envious to laugh or boo. [SIDE NOTE: I hope you have one of the most amazing antidotes to this – to have an audience member seek you out to tell you how much they enjoyed your music. It will make your heart swell with pleasure and pride! And before you dismiss their comments as them “just being nice”, remember this – that person so enjoyed your music that they fought their own fears to come up to you, possibly face your rejection of them(!), to share with you that you made a difference to them (sometimes effusively, sometimes haltingly) and that they are grateful. Honor that, use it build your own confidence – and DO NOT THROW IT AWAY! {Haven’t had this experience? Be patient}]

    Afraid you’ll embarrass yourself? The only way to do this is to be unprepared and to not bring your best effort with you. Do the work, and don’t let the fear stop you.

    What are you afraid of? Don’t be! Instead enjoy all the things you learn, feel, and share and really get into it. And don’t let fear steal your joy – just enjoy.

    Do you get fearful when you sign up to perform? How do you go about getting past it? Was it worth it? Let me know in the comments!

  • Who are you trying to impress?

    I know someone who has always tried to gain the attention of their parent. In the parent’s home are the typical family photos. On one wall are two photos of that parent with one of the siblings, commemorating an event. On the other two walks, there are 53 photos and certificates of the first person, doing the same activity, alone. After all these outings and exploits, and their documentation, the parent still has not noticed.

    It’s heartbreaking. So much message, so little communication.

    But it got me thinking about accomplishments and goals aims.

    There are a number of questions to address in these situations – and the answers could be very helpful – if they are honest answers.

    1. Who are you trying to impress?
    2. Have they event noticed?

    You may find that you are trying to impress other people – your teacher, your partner, your parent, your friends. And you may be successful in capturing their attention. And they may be impressed. But why do you need to continue to strive for their acknowledgement? Are they even qualified to render a useful opinion? So, why does trying to impress those people still leave you feeling hollow?

    Did they notice your work at all? Do they continually accord you accolades for your accomplishments? Or have they grown fatigued by having to lavash you in praise? Have they run out of ways to tell you how much they love your playing? If they provide critique – do you actually listen? Is the feedback helpful? Do you use that feedback to learn and grow?

    The reality is that a lot of people spend a lot of time trying to impress a lot of people, who for one reason or another, aren’t even paying attention. It’s a big collection of so what.

    It can be hard to break free from trying to impress others. Because in the end – you only have to impress yourself. Easier said than done.

    So, how can you go about making that change? First, don’t be fooled – it is a difficult change to make. Second, you can make it, you just need to be kind and thorough.

    Why do you need to impress you? You are your harshest critic. You are probably more unkind to you than anyone else could be. And you are the only one paying attention all the time. And you must be at peace with your accomplishments. You have to impress yourself to achieve the satisfaction you seek. There is a path – you have to practice it.

    1. Acknowledge that while others may enjoy your music – you really need to impress yourself. Once you can state (and believe) that, you’re on your way.
    2. That was a big step – because once you do that, you are responsible for all your steps forward, steps backward, and steps nowhere – and that is great!
    3. So, what will it take to impress you? Write these things down (see, don’t you wish you had already that practice journal?). Include not just what, but also how you might get there. Not sure of the path? Guess!
    4. Now define those paths and break them down into do-able things (things you will accomplish. Warning – some of these might impress you on their own!).
    5. Write out a schedule – when and how you will do these things.
    6. As you act on this schedule, note what you do, how you do, when you do and when you’ll do again. Adjust as needed.
    7. Lather, rinse, repeat.
    8. Update, modify, renegotiate until you are impressed.
    9. Don’t rest until you are impressed – with you.

    PS just doing these things should impress you – you’ll be so much farther along than others who haven’t made these strides.

    PPS Don’t worry if sometimes when you try to impress you, you don’t actually scare you!

    Once you realize everyone isn’t paying attention, and neither do they care, you’ll be able to learn to impress yourself! What other ways can you impress yourself?

    In the end – only your opinion matters – you are who you have to impress.

    Once you start, how did you help yourself be more impressed with you? Let me know in the comments!

  • It’s August – stay strong!

    It’s stinkin’ hot. It’s boiling! It’s August. And you know what that means? It’s nearly Autumn!

    Cooler days. Clearer skies. Longer nights. And, oh yeah, the winter holidays are coming. Whether you have a house full of family for Thanksgiving or if you have booked a full schedule of holiday party gigs – you will need to be ready. And now is the time!

    Let’s face it, no matter the reason you play, it is easier to play if you are ready – and if you feel ready. Nope, this is not another post on practicing. Rather, let’s take a broader look. The mere act of sitting and bringing the harp to you requires an element of strength, stamina and self-possession (read balance – but didn’t that string of S words feel good to read?!).

    Most of us are not about to build and keep a rigorous workout routine. But, what if it helped you to play better, longer, with less fatigue? Then it would be worth it!

    Now, I’m not a physician, a physiologist, or a physical therapist*. Ok, really, the word “physical” may actually cause me to break out into hives! But, a little bit of physical exertion could make all the difference in being able to practice (or perform) for as long as you like at each sitting – without your back hurting, feeling exhausted, or falling flat before your time is over (any of which is embarrassing).

    So, what should you do? Well, first, consult your physician – no doing stuff that’s not good for you (or worse, stuff that’s contraindicated for your condition!). Assuming you are well enough, consider adding a few things to your day. All of them are brief. Any one of them may help. If you’re an overachiever, you could try adding all of them!

    1. Go for a walk. Walking is good for many reasons. It’s a gentle exercise. You already know how to do it. You probably already have the shoes. Head out for 30 minutes. If you’re a total couch spud or have a condition, start where you are and build up to 30 minutes. Research suggests that 30 minutes a day will be enough to help you become more fit. If you’re not sure what to do, there are loads of programs available online that can suggest an appropriate buildup and level of exertion. Don’t want to walk outside?  Go to the pool and walk there (pool walking is easier on your joints and – did I mention that it’s hot?  it’s certainly cooler to walk in the pool!).  Or you can get on a treadmill. Walking is good on many levels – good for your heart, works your body, gets you some fresh air. It can also give you a chance to clear your mind. And it can be part of your practice – the rhythm allows you to think about your tunes with an active metronome.
    2. Stretches. I’ve talked about stretching before [here and subsequent weeks] and it bears repeating. But I wont’ – click the link and read those!  Stretching helps you recover but also helps overcome the stultifying sameness of sitting all day (even if you’re sitting at the harp!).
    3. Calisthenics. If you’re of a certain age, you might remember calisthenics from PE class. No, it doesn’t require a lot of equipment, space, or time. Just some exercises that help make you beautiful  and strong (from the Greek kali – beauty and sthenos – strong).  You know all these – pushups (full on, or from your knees, or against the counter or wall – it’s not a contest!  Do what you can); squats (like you’re sitting on a chair but not using your arms or moaning on the way down or up); jumping jacks; crunches or planks; and maybe some arm curls and extensions, and a few back rows. You don’t have to be all CrossFit about it! Just move and work a little everyday. That will help you become stronger which will improve your harp playing and may impact other parts of your life too (carrying laundry? groceries? moving your harp? A load of things will be easier). You can put these all together – walk to the park and use the playground equipment to exercise – or you can also do them as they fit into your day – just as long as you fit them in!

    It does help to add these activities to your journal so you can see how you’re coming along – to see your strength improvements (and if you wall off the wagon – you can see by how much – and how quickly you came to where you were before your wagon departed…and how quickly you can get back on it!). Noting it in your journal will also help capture when you notice the impact of this to your playing – as well as when you notice you just feel better.

    You don’t have to be a gym rat or an aerobics bunny to benefit – but your playing will tell the story of how you are staying strong!

    *as always, I am not a health care provider – check with yours before beginning a-n-y type of exercise or before changing what you are already doing!