Do you ever hear someone say, “I’ll never play as well as (insert-the-name-of-your-favorite-accomplished-harper here) does”.  I always wonder if they’ve reflected on what they are actually saying.

Because, while It is a natural phenomenon to compare ourselves with others, it is only upon reflection that we have the chance to grow.  In addition, no matter how natural it is to make those comparisons, it does you no good.  You might convince yourself you’re determining where the “bar is set” but you’re not.  We do comparisons as a shortcut for self-assessment, so we have to stop it before it can fully derail our progress!

There are a few reasons people make comparisons and each holds a potential lesson:

• If your goal is to be someone else, I hate to tell you this, but they are already them, so you should stick to being you. You don’t know where other people started or how their path has differed from yours, so your comparison is a false assessment at best and certainly doesn’t serve you!
  
• If you only look at people who you think are “better” than you, you don’t have time to look around for others who could learn something from you where you are or how you got there. We all have something to contribute – someone may need to learn something you already have.
• If you are watching someone else, by definition, you only see their “performances”.  That means you haven’t seen all the work they had done before, behind the practice room door over a long time. You only see the polished, finished work while you likewise have to suffer through (and endlessly replay) your own bloopers – how is that an accurate comparison?
  
• If you keep watching someone else, you won’t be paying attention to yourself.  And that means that you won’t necessarily see when you make a breakthrough. You have to be paying attention to yourself so you will be able to detect your own improvements – but you won’t see them if you’re watching someone else.
• If your goal is a who, you’ll definitely miss the what. Wanting to be someone else isn’t really an actionable goal.  If instead, you pay attention to you and work toward what you’d like to achieve (you might identify the what by watching someone else, just don’t try to be them!).
• If you consistently compare yourself to others, you’ll always be disappointed. This is because you’ll either be comparing up (and thereby find yourself wanting) or comparing down (thus finding yourself “better” but not more satisfied).  If you instead compare yourself to you – that is, compare where you were to where you are – you’ll be delighted by what you find!

While it might be natural to compare yourself to others, it doesn’t help you improve.  So how do you escape this?  There are a few things you can do that will help you grow without making you grow green with envy!

• Write it down (I know, I know, I’m always telling you to write things down… because I mean it!) – identify what it is that you think you’re lacking in comparison. Be specific – is it a technique you don’t know? Or a manner of playing? The harp itself? Something else?  Once you know what it is, you can work on it.
• Write more down – now that you know why you’re feeling comparatively lacking, write down what your gap is (or if you even have a gap!) – this will help you realize what you have to do to close your perceived shortfall.
• Be nice – remember to talk to yourself like you’re someone you like and are friends with!  Pillorying yourself won’t help and might actually hurt.
  
• Get to know them – talk to the person you’re comparing yourself to. We harpers are a small, friendly, and accepting group and I’m always delighted by others’ willingness to share their journey, their tips and tricks, and they’re own thoughts.  All you have to do is ask.
  
• State your goal – no, really, be very clear on what it is you think you need to work on…and do it!
• Keep track of what you do – and how much progress you make.
• Lather, rinse, repeat – consistent, persistent effort will help you move forward – but it has to be both consistent and persistent!

It also helps to keep track of when you’re feeling like you’re falling short and instead focusing on you (rather than on someone else). 

Have you ever felt like you’d never measure up? Have you tried any of these suggestions?  Let me know in the comments!