Don’t Get Me Out Of Here!

We talked about why you might experience anxiety playing for other people and we shared a few reasons that might happen (you can revisit that here). And that’s all well and good – kumbaya and all – but what can we do to get past all that mess and on to the fun part of sharing music with other people? Well…

Let’s start with recognizing that it’s normal to feel a bit discombobulated before performing. That feeling is a response to a perceived threat. And few things feel as threatening as having your fears exposed like you’re the stomach of a biology class frog.  It can be a bit daunting! But it’s important to know that it’s not just you (even though it feels like it!) – everyone gets a bit tangled when they’re going to do something uncomfortable. Welcome to being human.

Of course, it can be difficult to do some of these things.  It is easy to forget to not be scared when your inner wildebeest thinks it’s been scented by a hungry lion! But if you don’t control your fear, it will control you. And besides, we do this because we enjoy it – so we might as well enjoy it!

You can’t really grow out of being human but you can learn to be better at it. So here are some ways to help yourself get out of your own way. *

• Breathe! (or meditate or pray, as you prefer) This is so important to help you keep a clear head and to not hyperventilate! It also helps lower your blood pressure and heart rate which makes you feel calmer (because scared people don’t have a lower BP and pulse!). (Sometimes I write “BREATHE!” at the top of the set list – just in case I forget).
  

• Assess the situation. I like to look over the audience and realize I don’t (typically) know the people.  It’s not like favorite teacher (or a frenemey) was watching. Those people want to be there and be part of the experience. They want to be there! Bask in the beauty of that! And let it assuage your fear a bit.

• Name the beast. What are you most afraid of? Say it out loud (or write it out or paint it – you get the idea – make it real outside your head). When it’s outside your head, you can skewer the thoughts with questions and observations. Remind yourself that, while your brain is trying to protect you, there is no physical danger, and you are ok – just scaring yourself. If you can, laugh at what’s scaring you.
  

• Sing Happy Birthday. If you’re ruminating on these thoughts, sing a song, take up the space in your brain and interrupt the thought train the same way you stop an earworm!
• Take care of you. Do your best to get some rest and eat well. This is not the time to break your caffeine habit (or start one) or radically change your diet!
• Acknowledge your preparation. We often start to tell ourselves that if we just had one more week, we’d be set. Give yourself enough time to prepare and use that time to make yourself comfortable that you are in fact ready.
• Practice. The best tip I ever got about performing was to practice! Get out and perform every chance you get. Don’t just play for the cat and the curtains – but for real (and appreciative) people! As recently as just a few years ago many of us went out to share music with our neighbors. No reason you can’t still do that. They will be just as appreciative without the threat and pall of diseases!
• Think! I know it’s tempting to focus on thinking that you’re not ready, you’re feeling sick, and you’re afraid. Instead, actually think about what you’re doing. Hear your tunes in your head. Focus on what comes next. Do this not only as you perform but also when you’re practicing at home – get in the habit of thinking before you play.
• Turn your frown upside down. Practice delivering your internal dialog positively. Remind yourself of how hard you have worked and how well you are doing. No, I don’t mean lie to yourself. Be honest. If you can’t, pretend you’re talking to a friend of yours and tell that person.
• Perform. Your real goal isn’t to slay it but to do better than you did before. You can only improve compared to yourself.

You don’t have to feel like you have to make a break for it or send out a message to “Get me out of here!”. You can, of course, also try just telling yourself to get over it, but I haven’t found that to be a particularly successful strategy.

Keep in mind that all of these things are not “one and done” you might have to do one, start to play, employ another, play some more, etc. You are also you (you might have noticed) so not all of these may work for you – use some and see what works best. And then incorporate it every time!

Have you used any of these strategies? Did they work for you? Do you have other methods of dealing with your nerves? I can always use more ideas, so let me know in the comments!

* As I mentioned in the earlier post, I’m talking about situational anxiety which is NOT the same as generalized anxiety. If you suspect you have more than just a twinge of getting in knots over stepping on stage – seek professional help.