Get me out of here!
When I asked you what you wanted me to write about, a surprisingly large number of you asked me about dealing with the anxiety of playing in front of other people. While I wish I could say that I don’t know what you’re talking about, all that came to mind was Nietzsche, who pointed out that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And that hard to shake feeling of Get me out of here!
(actually that usually is my thought process – going round and round between “I don’t want to!” and “it won’t kill you to try”)
Why we get nervous or anxious before we play for other people can come from a lot of things – probably more that we could cover herePS. But the clear winner is that we are afraid that we will not acquit ourselves well in the moment. A fancy way to say that we’re afraid we’ll mess up and everyone will laugh. Or worse, they won’t laugh right then, they will tell us that it was great, and then will gather over the cookies and laugh.
Where did that come from?!
Well – here are a few places it can come from:
- Basic insecurity which can grow from failing previously (and I don’t know about you, but I have had some spectacular fails).
- Comparing ourselves to others (we’ve talked before about that before here and here).
- Outsized expectations of ourselves – Are you now shooting for admission to that exclusive conservatory? No? Then lay off.
- Perfectionism. Really? Perfect is boring. And while you want to do well, your audience wants human experience (otherwise, they’d listen to a recording)
All of these though are just faces of fear – fear that we won’t do well, that we’re not good enough, that everyone will laugh at us for daring to think we’re better than we are.
The best advice I’ve gotten to address this is to maintain perspective. When you get up in front of people to play you might project your fears and insecurities and feel all that anxiety. In a worse case, you’re projecting them so loudly that you cannot hear your audience. While you’re thinking “please let me not screw up beyond redemption” your audience are thinking things like:
- I wish I could do that (play an instrument).
- I wish I were that good.
- I wish I were that brave.
- I wish I were that competent.
- I wish I were that accomplished.
- I wish I were that capable.
- I wish I were that fearless.
- I wish I could do that (get up in front of a bunch of people, open a window to my soul, and share what’s inside).
Listen to them – at least more than you’re listening to you.
Next week, a little less philosophy and a little more practicality with some ways to move past the anxiety, so that you can sit on the bench and play for others. Until then, I have to go off and hope you found this helpful and aren’t laughing at me thinking I know anything. Let me know in the comments (even if you are laughing at me).
PS – This is all outside of clinical issues including anxieties and depression which are serious but also a far cry from that sick feeling that I think you were asking about. If you are experiencing significant anxiety and/or depression, please seek competent professional help. Sorry, I’m not that kind of psychologist.
I really like your statements about what the audience is thinking when they hear someone play the harp. I’ve got to remember those!
nice assessment of “stage fright”.
for me- it was a fear of being Judged. eventually i figured out that I was behind the harp-They weren’t.
the harp is an unusual instrument up here. few have seen, heard- or even heard OF- a celtic harp.
great blessing: the sound on my instrument was gorgeous, so no matter what i did, it was lovely!
This blog is another good one! I love the sentence that ends with “everyone will laugh at us for daring to think we’re better than we are”. How true! There’s always someone better, but at the moment and in that room, people are enjoying YOU! I need to keep that in mind!! Thank you!