Recently, a harp friend told me that she was going to move along. That she was done with the harp. That she had completed what she set out to accomplish. And now that that’s done, it’s time to move on to something else.
I struggled for what to reply. The concept of being done with playing the harp is an anathema to me. I don’t get it. What?
I wanted to argue. She’s a good player. She’s put in so much work. So much time. So much money!
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that arguing with her wasn’t the right tack. After all, she knows her own mind. If she’s done, she’s done. No amount of my quizzing her to death would help. And all those questions surely wouldn’t woo her back and might just push her farther away.
I just needed to be sad.
Sad because I’m likely to lose a friend. When your friendship is built on sharing music, will it survive without it?
Sad because the harp gives me such joy (while also being a challenge) that I can’t conceive of leaving it, yet I have to allow her to do just that.
Sad because I felt badly that, although I think she’s a fine harp player, she had evaluated her own harp life and found it lacking.
And I’m still hopeful that it’s just that she just needs a break and that she’ll come back to the harp – and her harp friends. That she’ll miss playing and just sort of migrate back to it. That the simple act of playing will remind her of the joys to be had.
But if that’s not the case, I really hope that she finds something that is a balm to her like I find my harp is to me – in good times and bad, it’s there for me and I want my friend to have that too. Even if it’s from doing something else.
Because it’s about her and her happiness – and satisfaction – with playing. If that’s not happening, then she probably should move on. I don’t know what she’s going to do with her time now that she won’t be practicing, going to workshops, playing, and all the other things we do. It’s a lot of time to fill. I’m not sure that when we’re in the middle of it, we realize how much time we spend – sometimes it really is more time that we spend with other people (not that there’s anything wrong with that! 😉).
And although I’m sad about all this, I also fervently hope that she is not sad at all. That her choice to move along is standing her in good stead and that she’s finding something that makes her heart sing. I’ll get over it. I’ll play my harp to do so. Maybe I’ll feel compelled to write a tune about it. Or maybe I’ll just play things that we had played together – as a commemoration of sorts.
I know I shouldn’t be sad – things change. And I’ll move past it. But for now, I’m going to be just a little bit sad about it while wishing my friend all the best.
How are you? Let me know in the comments!
I don’t know who you’re talking about but I can certainly understand why it would make you sad. You had a relationship with this person and it included something you both enjoyed, the harp. When that part of it is gone, is there anything else that connects you to this person? Doesn’t sound like it. It’ll leave a small void for some time, for sure, but like you said, you’ll move past it. I find that for myself I’m so inextricably connected to most of my friends through music. Even when these folks move out of my immediate circle we still share that link when we reconnect. The ones I miss the most are the ones who have passed on to their final reward–but the music of theirs that I play is still connecting us and that’s a comfort!
Good points Kathy! She and I have chatted more and have more links which is good. And I’m glad she’s definitely not at the final reward stage! I’ll certainly miss playing with her though.
You said it well; I concur.
I’ll miss her too, but her last letter to me was full of joy for the other things she plans to do now. She never saw the harp as a friend. But in working through this, I have to say we had some of the most interesting, provocative discussions of my teaching career.
Good additional insights Sue! Of course with that same tenacity,we might see her again soon!
Wow! Now that I play harp, I couldn’t imagine not playing. It brings me so much joy…the feel of pulling the strings, the resonance, the feeling of visiting an old friend when I play a familiar tune, setting and achieving new goals, connecting with others through playing (whether with other harp players or musicians that play other instruments).
For me, it’s beyond building the technical skills…it’s a passion deep within.
And we know that not everyone geeks out on the harp like we do. Your friend is likely to engage in a new endeavor…they might still be searching for that thing that moves them deeply. And maybe, just maybe, it will be the banjo…or hammered dulcimer…or accordion…or rug hooking:)
All good points Steve. And I do know that whatever she does next, she’ll go full tilt! And maybe she’ll be back. We are a fun crowd, us harp geeks! ( I’m a little too pleased to be a part of that crowd! 😎)
Understanding that we are all individuals with likes and differences, we can still love.
So true!
I can’t even conceive of life without the harp! I am sad for your friend!!! But, to everything there is a season, and perhaps this is not hers. Friendship is an intentional thing, so stay in touch.
Such a good point!
It is sad when a friend moves on. Feel what you need to feel. The rest of us are here for you!!!
Donna, Thank you!
She will go back to the harp when she ages, The harp
is a wonderful comfort and something one can enjoy in
old age. Fingers don’t move as fast but they still move.
Will be sending those thoughts her way.
That’s a good point and perspective. And your kind thoughts are one of the things I love about our harp community!
what means “old age” ? i am the subject of this blog and i’m 74= old enuf!
LoL – as another friend of mine likes to say, “it’s not all about you” 🙂
indeed, it’s all about The HARP! just ask any harp….
Chuckle!